Sometimes a perfectly placed price tag or bar code completely changes the title of a book. At least in your filthy mind.
This list is dedicated to the bookstores and libraries of the world. I know you’re not considered “cool” or “on the upswing” or “jazzy” right now but thank you for being such a glorious source of innuendo to once and future generations. Keep reaching for that Reading Rainbow.
Here are 11 perfectly placed bar code stickers or price tags that make completely innocent books burst with filthy innuendo. I’ve ranked them based on the the immaturity level necessary to truly appreciate them, from fairly immature to completely immature.
11 | We Are the Sh??: The Story of Negro League Baseball
My favorite parts about this one? It’s hard to even speculate what the title is *supposed* to be — AND it makes whitey feel guilty for finding it entertaining. Such a good double whammy. (The real title is We Are the Ship, which is part of a quote from Rube Foster, founder of the league. He said, “We are the ship; all else the sea,” as in the league would set its own course. The more you know.)
10 | Elf-Protection: Guidebook For Girls and Women
The book cover is so ’70s you can’t help but be drawn to it. Not sure if the guy featured is an elf, but he’s not particularly tall, so that’s possible. Also, please note that these two are NOT disco dancing but rather, the woman is fighting the elf off because he’s getting handsy. You totally thought they were disco dancing, right? I definitely did.
9 | Where’s Pot?
This completely changes the thrust of this book from the tale of a girl looking for her dog to the origin story of a drug-sniffing dog.
8 | ?ucking the Sarge
The correct title is Bucking the Sarge, but no one’s going to look at this and think the letter hiding under that barcode is anything but an “F.” Our brains are just tuned to love unnecessary censorship.
7 | Crappy Quilts
Based on the cover image, this sticker actually makes the book title *more* accurate. I’m just kidding, Better Homes and Gardens. You guys are alllll right.
6 | Didn’t I F You Yesterday?
It’s a smart marketing ploy by Barnes & Noble to put the sticker there. The best way to appeal to the “I wish I were still hip” mom demographic is to make the book salacious; that trying-too-hard subtitle about stilettos won’t get the job done.
5 | Butt Holed
Notice how it says it’s the first in a series? I found the rest of the books in the series and ALL of them are just ripe for immature sticker placement. You’ve got Hot Button, Panic Button and Buttoned Up. Read that last one when you’re face down.
4 | Ass Action
The Coral Gables library has this book in a section on women (specifically Hispanic women) in the workplace. I am so offended, Coral Gables library. I will never visit you now.
3 | Unt the Brave
The real title is Runt the Brave. They probably shouldn’t have put this in the C section. Which, in and of itself, is a dual-meaning term almost worthy of this list.
2 | The Broken Wind
Fart jokes are almost always at the bottom of the maturity scale. But they could only be beat by the one book where the sticker affected the artwork, not the title…
1 | Winnie the Pooh: A Tigger Inside & Out
The sticker here makes it look like Winnie the Pooh is doing unspeakable things to Tigger while Rabbit is ashamed and Piglet hangs around as a fluffer. If only they’d put the sticker over the “h” in “Pooh,” this book still could’ve made the list. (If they’d put the sticker over the “T” in “Tigger,” this book would not have been included on the list.)