The people who started these businesses may’ve missed the innuendo, but the Internet hasn’t.
Once upon a time, I did a list on funny business names that were intentionally dirty puns. Well, I think most of them were intentional. Also, looking back, I feel like a couple of them were fake. It was 2009. I was far less discerning or experienced at sifting out the Photoshops.
But what’s better than a business name intentionally filled with innuendo? One that got there accidentally. We all know how awkward it can be when someone unintentionally makes a dirty joke. Imagine that awkwardness permanently attached to a business name.
Businesses that accidentally ended up with sexual innuendo names
Here are 11 real businesses from around the world that chose names without, it seems, realizing the filthy minds of the Internet might deduce a secondary interpretation.
1 | The Chocolate Log
I’m all about euphemisms for feces right now. It comes with the territory of having a baby. I find myself in a surprising number of situations where people are curious about the size, shape, color and quantity of his fecal production. I may’ve even used the phrase “chocolate log” at some point.
2 | Fourskin
I’m not sure how this name made it past committee. It should’ve struck out there. (And from the backwards k, I guess it struck out looking?)
Fourskin is a retail store company selling t-shirts, jeans, flip-flops, bags, shoes, belts, and other accessories for a cheap in Singapore.
It’s hard to miss not seeing this because especially you have a creative mind. Their store is located just close by the train station exit because why not make it easier for you to get your hands on some Fourskin merchandise?
Imagine giving someone with a “Foreskin t-shirt” and seeing a confuse look on their face followed by, “Oh great, just what I needed – a shirt promoting genital mutilation.”
3 | The Glory Hole Church Centre
On the plus side, what a great, unintentional way of getting perverts to flock on in. Once they get over their terrible initial disappointment, maybe they’ll be ripe for some Jesus talk?
4 | Hand Job Nails and Spa
Who doesn’t love a good hand job? And now, you can get one right in the name of self-care at the Hand Job Nails and Spa. You can go in for a little pampering and tell your friends about the service.
The best part is, you don’t even need to feel guilty about it because you’re just getting your nails done, right? It’s not like you’re actually receiving a hand job from a stranger in a seedy back alley.
But let’s be honest. This business has one of those sexual innuendo names that’s worth the price of admission. Who needs a boring old “nail salon” when you can have a Hand Job Nails and Spa experience? It’s a catchy business name with an accidental touch of sexual innuendo.
But I’m far more put off by their use of the font Papyrus than the name. It’s like the slightly exotic equivalent of Comic Sans.
5 | Laiba Jewelers
Hard to unsee that no matter how legit this is, it’s one of those businesses with sexual innuendo names. Probably really catering to a very, very niche subset of piercings, huh?
I’m curious if Laiba Jewelers offer minor repairs like resizing my jewelry to fit them properly while making it more secure and comfortable.
6 | Moist Realtors
I’m guessing they want a catchy business name that satisfies their clients by “soaking them in luxury.” But it brings out a couple of porn reference with all those fake realtors and real estate.
And haven’t they heard that the world has blacklisted the word “moist”? You can’t even use it to sell a cake mix anymore, let alone a house.
7 | Tastes Like Grandma
This is what happens when you’re trying to market nostalgia as a flavor. Even if they pay me to consume this jar, that’s not gonna happen because I don’t want to feel like I’m eating my childhood memories.
They couldn’t have just gone “Tastes Like Grandma‘s” instead? I mean, this label looks like it was straight off an inkjet, it’s not like they accidentally sent the wrong template to the printer for a million labels.
How about we choose something that evokes the idea of a charming elderly woman with a prized recipe for the most delicious jams known to mankind?
8 | Two Ladies and a Bucket
This conjures a very nasty image in internet history. I mean, you really have to admire their commitment to sticking to the theme. If their goal was to make you cringe and feel uncomfortable, they certainly hit the nail on the head with “Two Ladies and a Bucket”.
It’s not like they could’ve gone with something a bit more subtle, like “Maid in Heaven” or “Dusting Divas”. No, they went for the shock factor and succeeded.
Now, every time you see a bucket, you’ll think of those two ladies and the things they do with it. Thanks, Two Ladies and a Bucket, you’ve ruined cleaning for us all.
The concept of two females and one receptacle has been, and will always remain, unequivocally ruined.
9 | Vaj’s Garage: Restaurant and Filling Station
Let’s just take a moment to appreciate the bold move of naming a restaurant and filling station after a slang term for female genitalia. Because what better way to entice customers to fill up their tanks and satisfy their hunger than with a name that conjures up images of bodily fluids and private parts?
And let’s not forget the marketing potential here. People could talk about something like: “I had my hoopty filled up at Vaj’s. Man, it was quick” or “I like the sauce here in Vaj’s as it reminds me of something when I was still young.”
And they could have slogans like “Fill up your tank and your appetite at Vaj’s Garage” or “Come for the gas, stay for the tacos”. It’s like they’re trying to attract a very specific demographic, one that’s into both horsepower and horseradish sauce.
But those don’t feel right with all the sexual innuendo names coming out. You Just can’t have a filling station called Vaj’s in this world. And arguably not a restaurant either.
10 | The Golden Shower
They’re probably thinking of images of sunshine and happiness, and maybe some light rain showers, too.
But man, how pissed off were the owners when they found out the other meaning for that term. Get it? Pissed off? Ooh, I’m getting close to being booed off the stage now…
11 | Ram in the Bush Christian Center
And now that bush is burning, baby. I’ll see myself out.
