I went to the biggest video game convention of the year, E3, and took dumb pictures.
I was fortunate enough to get to go to E3 (the Electronic Entertainment Expo, for those unfamiliar) yesterday. And since it’s not open to the public, just the video game industry and press, most people’s only glimpse inside comes from what the Liberal Media shows you.
Which is why I’ve put together this list, to show you the REAL E3 2009, from behind-the-scenes secret to breaking news to other little funny (or hopefully funny) observations.
1 | It’s mostly lines of dudes
As “exclusive” as the list is for E3, ultimately, it’s a ton of dudes who love video games. And they wait and wait and wait to play the brand new video games. This is a glimpse at just the first five percent of the line to play a new Halo game.
Fortunately for me, Halo and most modern games of that ilk confuse, overwhelm and frighten me, so I had no interest in waiting in this dude line. It’s like the line at the worst club ever (and when you finally get inside, you won’t even find attractive women OR get to hear the thumping beat of Lady Gaga).
2 | Why I didn’t try out the new Wii Fit games
Because not everyone wears socks to E3.
3 | Yes, I tested out the PSP Go
I would report on how it felt, except the game didn’t work and you couldn’t close it because Sony had loaded it up with THREE anti-theft measures (two of which are visible below). But… um… seems cool.
4 | Nintendo hook-up rooms?
I love at conferences how the big companies have these private meeting rooms set up right smack in the middle of their exhibitions. I’ve never been into one of those rooms, but I assume a LOT of sex happens in them. Even if it’s under the guise of testing out the new game Wii Glory Hole.
5 | Shouldn’t have gotten off the steroids
Saw Manny Ramirez and apparently he’s now a 5’7 skinny white guy. Don’t put money on the Dodgers to win the World Series.
6 | I ain’t afraid of no badge inspector
Press passes at E3 are so exclusive, even Ghostbusters need to wear them.
7 | Abandoned cookies
Generally, I’d be worried about a tray of cookies at a video game convention but, somehow, this one managed to escape to the bottom of this cart unscathed. I watched it for over 20 seconds and no one came up and took a cookie.
So take that, haters — video game people aren’t just ravenous snack fiends who’ll pounce on any unattended cookie in sight. In fact, they’re very polite.
8 | Breaking Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle news!
Apparently Raphael and Michelangelo are dark skinned, while Donatello and Leonardo are light skinned. Who knew?!
9 | E3 versus the AVN Expo
In January I was in Vegas for the Adult Video News Expo… the largest porn convention of the year. I put a photo from that side-by-side to illustrate the line between video games and porn is blurring… right down to the booths staffed by naughty nurse girls.
10 | Things no one would ever question
No one would ever suspect that an Asian man carrying an XBox 360 right out the door might be stealing it. I’m not saying this guy was stealing the XBox… I just think we should all look deep into ourselves and realize that it’s always the people you never suspect who get you.
11 | The economy hurts this bad?
This futuristic space warrior is promoting a game called Section 8. Apparently, in this economy, even futuristic space warriors need government housing vouchers.
