Politicians named Loser, Schmuck, Mark McGrath and so many more.
The midterm elections in the U.S. are next week, even though, by all reports, no one knows it. But this isn’t soapbox time. It’s stupid picture time. That’s a “abortions for some, miniature American flags for others”-level compromise!
Here are 11 photos of campaign signs of candidates with fantastic names. I also tried to track down how all of them did in their elections (spoiler: most lost) to draw a small sample size conclusion of whether having a goofy name helps or hurts you. In elections? Probably hurts. To gain immortality? Absolutely helps.
1 | Jack Ball, Dr. Faye Ball and Don Cox
You have to appreciate that it’s not just the sophomoric Ball-Cox joke, but that there are two Balls to accompany the one Cox. That’s next level stuff right there. Sadly, the election results really Lance Armstronged the ticket. Jack Ball and Don Cox both won, but Faye Ball lost. I know this from the local college newspaper that had the headline “Ball and Cox Beat Off Their Opponents in Ewing Election.”
2 | Jay Walker
Really, as a write-in candidate, this guy was really lucky to have a memorably bad name. Aren’t you more likely to remember to write in “Jay Walker” than anyone else? I couldn’t find the results of this election, so let’s assume his “bad name” strategy paid off and he got 96 percent of the vote.
3 | Krystal Ball
Krystal lost her 2010 Congressional campaign (requisite “should’ve seen that coming” note) but still wound up as a talking head on cable news, which is really the endgame in this day and age anyway.
4 | Oliver Loser
It must be damn hard to go through life with the last name Loser, so good for him making a run at whatever political office he was running for. I really have no idea. I just saw this image in multiple places as a funny politician name. For all I know this is a sign advertising a satisfied customer from some German electric company.
5 | Moe Cotton
When I was searching for a larger image of this sign, I found one that’s a Facebook screenshot that said, “Nah we ain’t falling for that again.” Which is pretty good. And Moe Cotton lost, which seems about right.
6 | Lawless for Circuit Judge
This is a nice ironic sign (not even the Internet definition of ironic, the actual definition), and Janelle Lawless must’ve been a damn good candidate because she overcame her name to win. Over and over and over. She’s running for reelection on Tuesday and is unopposed. She’s as close as we’ve got in real life to Judge Reinholt being an actual mock trial judge.
7 | Shotwell for Sheriff
Sure, he’ll run for sheriff, but he will not run for dep-u-ty.
8 | Mike Hunt
Ah yes, every seventh grade boy’s favorite joke, played out in a real life South Carolina sheriff’s race. If I were his campaign manager, I would’ve suggested going by “Michael,” but it wasn’t necessary. He was elected, then promptly indicted for murder charges. The charges were eventually dropped and he’s still the sheriff. It’s all very South Carolina in every way.
9 | Frank Schmuck
Obviously Frank Schmuck is the main course in this photo, but Phil Hettmansperger isn’t exactly in the clear when it comes to odd names. Tracy Buelna, you’re cool. (All three lost.)
10 | Becky Gay vs. Steve Strait
They were both Republicans, so Becky Gay never really had a chance. She lost to Steve Strait here in the primary. But then he went on to lose in the general election. (To a guy named Berkowitz. We weren’t lucky enough to have him lose to someone named Crooked, Bering, Dire or Bisexualstein.
11 | Mark McGrath
Just because you’ve got the same name as the guy from Sugar Ray doesn’t mean you’re a “proven fighter.”