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written by Sam Greenspan

Not every Garbage Pail Kids’ nickname existed in a vacuum.

When I was a kid, I was all about Garbage Pail Kids. I was susceptible to many ’80s fads (He-Man, neon colors, the California Raisins, Swatch watches, Nintendo, doing crack)… and Garbage Pail Kids were right up there.

Today I found myself deeply lost in an incredible Garbage Pail Kids website (that’s hosted on Geocities… quite possibly making it the last useful remaining Geocities website in the world)… and I knew I needed to make a GPK 11 Points list.

As I went through the old cards, I realized that there are plenty of Garbage Pail Kids that, coincidentally, have the same names as real people (or, at least, real movie characters). So I decided on a photo essay list, comparing the real person and the corresponding Garbage Pail Kid side-by-side.

1 | Hairy Carrie

Cubs win!

2 | Mean Gene

“Let me tell you something, Mean Gene!”

3 | Large Marge

Tell ’em Large Marge sent ya!

4 | Al Catraz

Obscure references from recent and contrived episodes of The Simpsons are always going to be a part of this website.

5 | Barb Wire

Never seen this movie, actually. Seems pointless.

6 | Ned Head

“Phil? Phil Connors? … Hey now, don’t you tell me you don’t remember me ’cause I sure as heckfire remember you… ‘Needlenose Ned’? ‘Ned the Head’?”

7 | Rappin’ Ron

He was a sort-of underground rapper. Consult your local library for more information.

8 | John John

Aww.

9 | Ultraviolet

Never saw this movie either. But I’m sure it’s tremendous.

10 | Mad Mike

Like five or six years ago my roommates and I went through a HUGE Pimp My Ride phase… and no one is more iconic than Mad Mike. Not even Xzibit.

11 | Tommy Gun

A double finale! A “Rocky” reference AND a porn star reference! Those are two things every single male in my generation can relate to.