We’ve got everyone from Sam Sung, Apple specialist to Colonel Coward to Dr. Nurse (and my Who’s on First? parody therein).
As we say around here at the 11 Points offices — “we” being me talking to the dog and “offices” being the spare bedroom in my house — there’s nothing like a good pun. So now, good puns.
I scoured the irritating slideshows of the Internet to track down photographic proof of people with horrible names for their jobs. Some of these are so close to irony that if a person on a reality show called one of these irony, he or she might actually be nearly correct.
Here are 11 people with names horribly suited for their chosen careers.
1 | Richard Frankenstein, doctor
I’m sure this guy has heard the jokes for his entire life — from the first time he played Operation as a little kid right up until he introduced himself to someone this morning. It’s so bad the article has to clarify things:
The new [chief medical officer]’s name is Dr. Richard S. Frankenstein, pronounced Franken-STEEN — unlike the monster-building doctor in Mary Shelly’s classic story.
Cool. I’m still not sure I’d be willing to have my organs donated to his hospital.
2 | Jackie Daniels, director of Indiana University Office of Alternative Screening and Intervention Services
If you’re wondering why Jackie is the director of an organization with such a convoluted name, it’s because the acronym is OASIS. That’s called putting the acronym cart before the logic horse right there.
3 | Sam Sung, Apple specialist
According to a new report, Sam Sung is no longer working for Apple. He had to see the firing coming on the Verizon. (BAM!)
4 | Asbury Coward, colonel
This feels like a case where this guy worked twice as hard as everyone else to prove he WASN’T a coward… and as a result, he earned himself a monument. (Although, based on research, Coward was a Confederate and was with General Lee at Appomattox. If Twitter had been around people would’ve had a field day with that.)
5 | Will Tickel, chiropractor
Although you don’t want your chiropractic adjustments to tickle, it’d be worse if his last name were Maim. Or Cripple. Or Overcharge.
6 | Jaime Sin, cardinal
Cardinal Sin was a major figure in the Philippines. I would stretch for a joke here, but I feel like he still has some powerful friends and I don’t want to turn the Philippines against me. I don’t want to have to hang up a map like the Simpsons did, putting an “X” through every place I’m no longer welcome to visit.
7 | Rich White, Republican candidate
And it’s even more fitting that he’s running unopposed.
8 | Bob Walk, Grant Balfour and Eric Plunk, pitchers
All three are Major League pitchers (of past and present) whose last names feature ways they could send a batter to first base without a hit. I couldn’t find any batters with reciprocal name issues — perhaps a Frank Strike or a Ryan Lineout or a Horace Catcherinterference.
9 | Ted Kadivar, surgeon
Even though it’s spelled “Kadivar” and not “Cadaver,” that doesn’t really inspire confidence.
10 | Janelle Lawless, judge
In spite of her name, Lawless won the election in 2003 to become a circuit court judge in Ingham County, Michigan. She was re-elected in 2009. Her term ends next year, which will hopefully end the anarchy she’s no doubt brought to Ingham County, Michigan, for the past decade.
11 | Sandra Nurse, doctor
According to sitcoms, female doctors are always being called “nurse” by Archie Bunker types. In this case, it just opens the door to a glorious round of Who’s on First? – Hospital Edition…
Patient: Who’s my doctor?
Orderly: It’s Nurse.
Patient: Oh, I’m sorry. Who’s my doctor, nurse?
Orderly No, I’m not a nurse. Your doctor is.
Patient: My doctor is what?
Patient: My doctor is what, nurse?
Orderly: No, your doctor is Nurse.
Orderly: Doctor Nurse.
Patient Doctor… who?
Orderly: No, that’s Matt Smith.