Sometimes a photo masterfully reveals a hidden truth.
The Internet never forgets a lie. It’s a real dick like that.
And now, onto the lies…
1 | Delicious morning coffee
Ol’ Barry here shows off that his coffee mug is really just ornamental. “Barry Burbank” is such a perfect news anchor name, though, that I’ll cut him some slack. When you’ve got that name, you don’t need coffee to wake you up to deliver the news — it’s just part of your programming.
2 | Bae caught me slippin’
“Slippin” I am to believe means “sleeping” in this context. Because the mirror caught her slippin’ using a loose but actual definition.
3 | Made in the USA
I feel like this bag might not be totally forthcoming about its country of origin. Although, in theory, all of the parts could come from elsewhere and then someone here might’ve assembled them? (I feel like I’m meeting them more than halfway on that theory.)
4 | A wheelchair can’t contain a motivated woman in denim culottes
Behold the power of the Holy Spirit! (Also spirits. Less holy.)
5 | CATLADY
Obviously anyone can have both cats and dogs as pets, but when you go for the “CATLADY” vanity plate, you’re inherently taking an anti-dog stance.
6 | No photos!
It’s fitting that this photo, taken fraudulently to suggest that he was reluctantly being photographed by some local paparazzi equivalent, probably did wind up as his most notable claim to fame.
7 | Nice Audi
Just your standard embarrassed Canadian trying to make his Korean car look German. I’d love to work more countries in here. Maybe his name is Chad?
8 | Karaoke basics
I’ve been trying to figure out what song I think these girls are singing (or not singing). After careful consideration, I’m m going with Man, I Feel Like a Woman. It just fits the vibe of the bar, the facial expressions, the clothing choices, the way they’re belting it out even though they’re not good singers (presumptively) and the way that one girl is smiling.
9 | Cola wars
Lied about your loyalty to Pepsi back during that job interview, did ya? For what it’s worth, I see lots of pictures of Pepsi guys drinking Coke on the Internet; never in reverse.
10 | I don’t use plastic bags
On the most hyper-literal level, she only has one plastic bag (singular), so her other bag isn’t completely lying.
11 | Texting blind
Checking the cell phone says, “Not blind.” The choice in backpack says, “Then again…”