Ikea toilets, hippie strippers, mysterious cucumbers and more.
About a year ago, I posted a list of 11 Photos of Ridiculous Signs That Must Have Crazy Backstories. It was a mirthful journey of wild speculation, and since I’m primarily in it for the mirth, I needed to run it back.
So I’ve kept an eye out for more confusing, ambiguous or otherwise mysterious signs. I’ve finally got 11 more, so here’s the sequel.
1 | The spider infestation problem is mostly resolved
Best theory: A dorm bathroom resembled a scene from the movie Arachnophobia. And even though none of the kids had ever seen nor heard of that movie, spiders crawling on you in the shower doesn’t really require a pop culture lens to be horrifying. The school more or less resolved the problem, but didn’t want to guarantee all spiders were gone, so they hedged with “mostly.”
Worst theory: The spiders put up this sign to make everyone think someone else was solving the problem. Meanwhile, they continue to grow in numbers and plan their ultimate siege.
2 | Dreamgirls: No Hippies!!
Best theory: This strip club (in Wellington, New Zealand) had too much trouble with guys who were RVing around the country coming in and not paying.
Worst theory: The “No Hippies” sign is connected to the “Vacancies” sign, as the club owners realized they needed more non-hippie strippers since the smell of patchouli is a real boner killer.
3 | Employees must wash hands… especially Carl
Best theory: Carl’s coworkers finally got tired of his occasional unhygienic ways and half jokingly/half passive aggressively added a label to the sign.
Worst theory: Those weren’t sprouts.
4 | The nearest toilets
Best theory: Ikea’s preemptive strike against someone accidentally mistaking the showroom floor toilet for the genuine article.
Worst theory:Ikea’s post-emptive strike after someone accidentally mistook the showroom floor toilet for the genuine article.
5 | Employees are required to “wear” underpants at all times
Best theory: The “ALL” suggests that some employees might think they were above underwear, which leads me to believe this sign is from a strip club where the staff was a little too loose and free. Damn those Dreamgirls hippie strippers.
Worst theory: The quotation marks around “wear” suggest perhaps some employees were coming to work carrying their underwear in their hand.
6 | Please don’t fart inside the store
Best theory: A tiny store (that sells quite a bit of ice cream) was poorly ventilated, essentially becoming a flatus hot box.
Worst theory: An ice cream store positioned between a Mexican restaurant, a cheese shop and a chili con carnival learned their lesson the hard way about trying to be the go-to dessert destination for their neighbors’ customers.
7 | Hamburgers and cheeseburgers contain meat
Best theory: A restaurant that seemed like it might be organic or vegan (with a name like “Healthy Garden” or “The Enlightened Cafe”) had confused customers who thought they were getting veggie burgers. Possibly after their shifts at Dreamgirls.
Worst theory: A restaurant with burgers so bad people assumed they were made of black beans or quinoa.
8 | Do not make cucumber
Best theory: It’s a community garden that isn’t for growing vegetables. (Normally I’d chalk it up to a broken English translation, but the graphic is pretty unambiguous.)
Worst theory: “Make cucumber” is the elegantly garbled translation for “have sex.”
9 | Toilet camera is for research use only
Best theory: Toilet camera is for research use only.
Worst theory: Toilet camera is not for research use only.
10 | Please DO NOT open or try on product
Best theory: No one ever really opened up the condoms and tried them on in the store, but Walgreens thought they’d take preventative action because people ARE getting dumber.
Worst theory: Greater than two people actually tried on condoms right in the middle of a Walgreens, thereby prompting a sign to prevent a third perpetrator.
11 | Don’t do… this
Best theory: Don’t try to ride the moose.
Worst theory: Don’t try to “ride” the moose.
