More businesses selling two hilarious unconnected things, an analysis of superheroes and the future of the Inbox-O-Ramas.
This is the 11th Inbox-O-Rama; for those just joining us, the Inbox-O-Rama is a column where I respond to some of the best reader e-mails, comments, Facebook messages and Tweets. In the 11th point of this week’s I’m going to address the future of the Inbox-O-Ramas.
As always, anyone who has their message posted in an Inbox-O-Rama is entitled to an 11 Points sticker provided (1) you send me, a complete stranger, your address (2) you’re patient (although I’m about to finally send out a huge batch) and (3) you live someplace where the postage from the U.S. is reasonable.
Without any more delay, the 11th Inbox-O-Rama…
1 | Monkey see, monkey do, goatse, goat do
I got this in response to Monday’s list, 11 Accidentally Inappropriate Puzzles and Games…
Love your site! When I saw your awesome list for today, it reminded me of a Crossword lotto card I got a few years ago. Even though I made 3 bucks off it, the real win was telling everyone I got “goat cum” on my lottery card.
–Adam from Springfield, MO
And if you keep reading, the ticket suggests that perhaps goat cum has an odor and makes you itchy. (Or, at least, what you’d have to do to get a goat that excited would include many odors AND make you itchy. It also might make you want to get a tetanus shot.)
2 | Well if it’s the law, it’s the law
This was sent to me via Twitter, in response to my 11 Ridiculous Signs That Always Make Me Laugh list…
although I can’t find your email, I’d still like to make the inboxorama with this pic for the new list.
–Steven (@skorren) via Twitter
I like when people use good manners like this. “Please stick it in.” That’s polite. If a woman said that to me I’d shake her hand and buy her a selection of delicious regional jams.
Ya know, after the sex.
3 | The long-lasting effects of time travel
I haven’t gotten many e-mails regarding my Back to the Future Part II lists (11 Predictions That Back to the Future Part II Got Right and 11 Predictions That Back to the Future Part II Got Wrong), but this one pretty much makes up for that deficiency…
Thought you might get a kick out of this.
So wrong yet so right.
4 | Trick-or-treat
I once received a cheese slice from a drunk college kid. It was epic.
–Zealousblue (via the comments)
This is a great addition to my 11 Worst Things You Can Get Trick-Or-Treating list from last year’s Halloween.
As much as I want to rip on the slice of cheese, though, I’m well beyond college age and still woefully unprepared to give out Halloween candy.
At my house, we generally keep the porch light on at night. With multiple roommates and friends always coming and going, it’s a necessity. So last Halloween, absentmindedly, I did our usual nightly ritual of turning on the light.
A few minutes later, I heard a knock at the door and opened it. Three little adorable kids, in costume, trick-or-treating. I said, “Hold on” and ran to the kitchen looking for something I could give them that was (1) sweet and (2) wrapped up and not just a loose cookie.
The verdict: Those rubbery fruit strip things that are like thicker Fruit Roll-Ups. The kids… were unimpressed. They probably would’ve preferred a delicious slice of cheese.
5 | The glass soda bottle
In last week’s Inbox-O-Rama, I listed my preferred types of soda (out of a bottle, a can, a fountain, with ice, without ice, and on and on). This e-mail pointed out a big omission from that list.
All this talk of which packaging of soda is best and no mention of glass bottles? Far and away the best IMHO.
–Simon (via Facebook)
That’s a great point. But as I think about my soda drinking history (which is extensive, by the way — I drink a ton of the stuff)… I’m fairly sure I’ve never had soda out of a glass bottle. Ever.
I’m going to go try to track some down, try it out, and report back on my impressions. I’m also going to try milk out of a glass bottle, a Big Mac out of a Styrofoam container and gin out of a bathtub.
6 | Maybe it’s time to just switch it to “Oak” or “State” or something more generic
This is in lake tahoe.
–Adam in Chicago
That’s a pretty offensive street name, even if “coon” is something of an antiquated racial slur. Antiquated terms still hurt. It would be like calling a street Oriental Avenue. Oh wait. Never mind. Bad example.
7 | Guns, beer and wedding dresses
This e-mail came in response to my list 11 Businesses Selling Two Hilariously Unconnected Items…
In this case, I’ve found a local general store that sells three hilariously CONNECTED items that nevertheless look ludicrous on their sign.
Its called Hussey’s General Store in Winslow, ME, they sell Guns, Beer, and Wedding Gowns. You can work it out how those three are connected.
They even have a local TV ad with a song that goes “We’ve got guns, beer, and wedding gowns…”
–Luke in Waterville, ME
I’m guessing that if they started selling condoms (or, to be more cynical, vacuum cleaners) it would hurt their business model.
8 | About Randy Marsh
In last week’s Inbox-O-Rama I listed 11 of my favorite minor characters on modern TV shows. Here’s a response to that.
Interesting pick with Butters’ Dad on South Park. Don’t get me wrong, a great character. (I especially like “There’s nothing to be afraid of… except Super Aids”)… but what are your thoughts on Randy Marsh? Kills me every time, especially in the little league episode, and of course the episode about the giant crap he takes. Thoughts?
–Mike (via the comments)
I love Butters’s Dad because he’s such an incredibly spot-on a-hole… and the EXACT father who would produce a cowardly, peer pressurable sweetie like Butters. He’s a fantastic character. (Although I didn’t love the gay bathhouse thing with him, that felt a bit too out of character for me.)
I go back and forth on Randy Marsh. Sometimes I love him, like in the Guitar Hero episode, or when he teaches Stan to dance in the “You Got Served” episode, when he’s fighting the Bat Dad, or when he’s constantly videotaping stuff in the giant guinea pigs Cloverfield parody. All very good.
I get annoyed with him when the show has to use him as a representation of the idiocy of the masses. Not because the satire is bad — his overreactions to things like global warming, alcoholism, SARS, the homeless, etc. are all quite necessary. But because the character gets so lost in the dumbness that he’s too functional, too much of a metaphor to be great.
9 | 11 Questions
Got this list of 11 questions and wanted to answer them one-by-one…
Hello Sam, I have 11 questions for you…
1.) You’ve done a list before about the best places to eat on a date so I thought I’d ask your advice on the best things to do on a date (Insert sexual joke here). I personally think going out to eat is over played so my favorite two ideas (that, sadly, I haven’t been able to practice recently) are to go either bowling or to the zoo (most chicks, myself included, love the zoo). Any suggestions?
For whatever reason, I always found myself wanting to go back to her place or my place to watch a movie and have wine. I think this move often takes a ton of pressure off the date and reduces the number of variables that can go wrong. I also liked the scene in 40 Days and 40 Nights where Josh Hartnett takes the girl on a date where they just ride the bus around the city for a date… that seems like a really fun thing to do. It’s much better than the scene in that movie where he gets raped and it doesn’t seem to particularly bother anyone.
2.) Who do you think has the best catchphrase on The Simpsons? Not necessarily the most well-know, but the best?
I always love the guy who goes “Yeeeeeeeeeeeeees!” Can’t get that out of my head. Other underrated, high-quality catchphrases: Mr. Burns saying “Ahoy-hoy” when he answers the phone… Duffman’s “Oh yeah!”… Johnny Tightlips’s “I ain’t sayin’ nothin'”… and Cookie Kwan’s constant discussions about the west side.
3.) As an book-lover with an English degree, I always ask people this- do you have a favorite book and\or author?
For mainstream authors, it’s a dogfight between Mark Twain and Kurt Vonnegut; for more under-the-radar authors, it’s Joe Gores.
It’s almost impossible to pick a book, though… A Confederacy of Dunces was the first thing that came to mind and Brave New World was second.
4.) In one week my boyfriend and I broke up after 5 1\2 years, I lost my job, and I got into a fender bender. Can you top this?
Absolutely not. I will try to make you feel better, though.
If you break up after five-and-a-half years, the immediate pain is worth it for the greater good. It wasn’t meant to be and you saved yourself an even worse situation down the road.
I’ll address losing your job in the next question but, suffice to say, I don’t think losing a job is necessarily a bad thing.
The car accident just sucks. Um… I guess at least you’re not due for another one for a while?
5.) Speaking of losing my job- this job market is awful and since I’ve only been out of college for about a year and a half I have little experience or contacts. Any advice?
Losing your job might not be the end of the world either. Jobs can often hold people back from doing what they want to do. Really, I’m not entirely sold on the whole “work for a salary” thing. Just because that’s what we’re supposed to do doesn’t mean it’s what we should do.
If you apply all of your creative energy, all of your work ethic and all of your motivation toward doing something you truly believe in, then you haven’t sold yourself short. Sure, it may not work and you’ll go back to the salary world… but, at least while you have unemployment and (hopefully) severance, take a gamble. Get a low-stress, part-time job to help pay the rest of the bills and make a strong move.
(Let’s put it this way — two months ago, I was working a full-time job. Today I am not, by choice. I speak to this point from experience.)
6.) Since you’re obviously a trivia buff, do you have a favorite trivia show? I personally love Cash Cab, if for no other reason than the wonderful Ben Bailey.
I am a huge trivia buff. I was even (kind of) on a game show — when I was in high school I was on a local Cleveland-area show called It’s Academic, where myself and two other guys from my high school competed against other schools on trivia questions. We lost (and I could STILL rant about why we lost for hours) — but it didn’t hurt my adoration of trivia.
My favorite shows are the ones where you get a ton of questions. For instance, Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? does nothing for me. It’s like five percent questions, 95 percent bullshittin’ around. (And Deal Or No Deal, one of the stupidest shows of all time, does even less for me.)
To that end, Jeopardy! is my favorite, and there’s nothing even close.
7.) A lot of your lists at least touch on food in some way- what is your absolute favorite food?
If I could only eat one thing for the rest of my life, not worrying about weight gain or health considerations, it would be Oreo milkshakes.
That just barely beats out banana cream pie, Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup Blizzards and Pizookies from BJ’s.
If it had to be a main course and not a dessert, it would be a fight to the death between Kraft Cheese and Macaroni (NOT Easy Mac, which is inferior)… fettuccini with lobster in a cream sauce… and my mom’s ridiculously good noodle kugel.
8.) Who’s the best superhero and why?
The guy with the big blue penis from Watchmen. His super power seemed to be “every super power ever, even super powers that negate other people’s super powers.” Although, quite honestly, I dozed off during part of that movie. I woke up and it was 1985 and Nixon was president.
10.) I’m not really big on sports, but being from Houston, I have to ask your opinion- does any sports team have a worse name (not mascot) than that of our football team? I mean, really, the Houston Texans?? Really?
My default is to say the Cleveland Browns are worse. Also, what about the Connecticut Sun of the WNBA — their name comes from the casino that sponsors them. Also, the Lakers moved to Los Angeles where there are no lakes. The Jazz moved to Utah where they don’t allow music.
11.) What’s your worst habit?
I work too hard, I care too much and I communicate too well with others.
10 | Yahoo Answers and the Darwin fish
I haven’t done a post of stupid questions from Yahoo Answers in quite some time… although my first one, 11 Stupid Questions From Yahoo Answers That Have Changed My Life, is still holding steady as one of the top five most viewed lists on this website. Anyway, here’s a wonderful new addition, hot and fresh out the kitchen…
Oh man. It’s one thing to tell your kid that his dog ran away… but to think he’s stupid enough to believe that the fish sprouted legs and ran away… well, that’s just slipshod parenting.
I wonder about this Yahoo Answer submission though — taking it on surface value, it seems the kid is smart enough to know that his fish running away is a somewhat dubious concept… but not smart enough to guarantee it. That puts his IQ somewhere between Forrest Gump and Bill S. Preston, Esquire.
11 | The future of Inbox-O-Ramas
So you’ve said you’re going to take a break from Inbox-O-Ramas after you do 11. Now that you’ve done 11, what’s going to happen to them?
–Karen in Seattle, WA
So I hit 11 Inbox-O-Ramas and, yes, I’m going to take a little break from them. It turns out they take about 1.5x longer than a regular list… and, unfortunately, get about one-fifth the traffic. So the numbers don’t quite work out.
I’m going to do one from time to time, when I have a good repository of questions built up… but not every Wednesday anymore. Instead, I’m going to do more traditional 11 Points lists, which is what, I believe, the people really want anyway.
However, I don’t want to lose the interaction that’s built up over the past 11 weeks. So I’m going to be more vigilant about responding to comments and e-mails. I’m going to use the other mediums I have (Facebook, Twitter and my ever-growing e-mail list) as places where I can post answers to funny questions or share great follow-up photos people send in.
And, most importantly, once a week I’m going to write an 11 Points based off of a reader suggestion. Over the course of the Inbox-O-Rama I’ve received a ton of great ideas for lists… I’m going to capitalize on those and other suggestions to write lists at a greater frequency than ever before.
Naturally, if you suggest a list idea that I use, or send something to me that inspires a list, I will send you TWO stickers. Like Gary Busey said, TWO!
So that’s the future. In summation: There will be future Inbox-O-Ramas just not every week… I’ll be posting some responses to e-mails and comments on Facebook, Twitter and my mailing list… I’ll be writing more lists than ever before… and I’ll be taking reader suggestions for lists on a weekly basis.
Now… it’s time to send out a bunch of long overdue stickers.