For the third year in a row, I give some topical Halloween costume ideas just dripping with a weirdly angry sarcasm.
The past two years, about two weeks out from Halloween, I published lists of topical Halloween costumes. (If you want a trip through ultra-recent nostalgia land, here’s what I wrote for 2010 and 2011.) Since I don’t really like dressing up for Halloween myself and, therefore, have no other Halloween traditions than writing this list, I figured I should do it again.
Here are 11 topical Halloween costumes for 2012. I tried not to pick too many obvious ones and come up with as many as possible that you won’t find on other people’s similar lists. Or, at least, different twists on them.
1 | The Endeavour space shuttle transport
This will take a little bit of arts and crafts work but I think the payoff is worth it. And that payoff is… being an oversized menace. Build yourself an oversized Endeavour space shuttle replica (I would accept a refrigerator box with big cardboard wings) and strap it to your back. Then walk around a party, the neighborhood, and everywhere else knocking stuff over because the shuttle is clearly too big for where you’re going.
2 | Psy and the Gangnam Style all-stars
I have the feeling there are going to be a lot of Psys this Halloween since it’s so easy to pull off — sunglasses, colored tux, rudimentary dance moves. So if you’re going to do this, I say you make it a group costume and go all the way. You need a guy in a yellow Kill Bill jumpsuit, a pelvic thruster in a cowboy hat and shorts, your smallest friend in a tank top doing Michael Jackson moves, and the sexiest Korean girl you can find. Yes, at least one of you will have to be Asian. This isn’t the movie 21 — you can’t just substitute all the Asian people it’s based on with white people.
3 | Mayan apocalypse
Dress in traditional Mayan garb, then make a sign (either sandwich board-style, or one to carry) telling people the end is coming in December. You can get your Mayan clothing at either Putumayo or Cinco de Mayo. (Make sure it has the silica gel pack inside keeping it fresh.)
4 | Honey Boo Boo
I felt like I had to put this one on here, but instead of creepily dressing up like a little girl (or her not-so-little mother), there are twists here. Dress up as Boo Boo from Yogi Bear and carry around honey. Or go with the standard Halloween costume of a bed sheet with ghost eyes cut out and staple some McDonald’s honey packets to it.
5 | Clint Eastwood and chair
“Clint Eastwood and chair” sounds to me like one of those old timey ventriloquist acts. (And as longtime readers might remember from my list of creepy ventriloquist album covers, I am well versed in the world of ventriloquism.) Just dress up as Clint — gray hair, hiked-up pants, scowl — and bring a chair along with you. Down side: You have to lug a chair around all night. Up side: You can sit down anywhere AND remain fully in character.
6 | Zombie Whitney Houston
I will NOT say that you should model your Zombie Whitney Houston costume after crack-era Whitney Houston. I can’t believe you’d even think that. Instead, go for ’80s Whitney or Bodyguard-era ’90s Whitney and occasionally throw the word “brains” into lyrics. (“Cause tonight, is the night, and the feelings alright, to be eating brains the whole night throooooough.” And so on.)
7 | President Obama spoof
Since Halloween is less than a week before the election, presidential spoofs have to be on the table. (I mean… you could spoof, say, the county comptroller race too, but I’m not sure it would land with the same impact.)
For Barack, you can just wear a mask, with maybe a Hawaiian shirt. (No Kenya. I repeat: No Kenya. I’m telling you right now, you can’t pull that off without it being construed as racist. Even if you’re black.) Your most muscular black friend (of either gender) should be Michelle. And just recruit a WNBA player to be the older daughter. You can have your leftover white people dress up as Biden (fake teeth, slicked back hair, occasionally punches people) and Big Bird, if necessary.
8 | Mitt Romney spoof
I think you can get some legs out of blending a Mitt Romney mask with a Bane Dark Knight Rises mask. Rush Limbaugh already said Christoper Nolan chose Bane as the villain in his movie to try to create a negative association with Romney’s time at Bain — so you might as well turn it into a pop culture collision costume. (And yes, he said that even though Nolan’s British, Bane and Bain are spelled different, Nolan settled on Bane several years before Romney got the nomination, and Bane first appeared in the comics in 1993. And also the subtext of the movie was that society would collapse if the Occupy protestors won.)
9 | 50 Shades of Grey
I guess you could dress up like the couple in the book by breaking out some light bondage gear. But that feels so on-the-nose. Take the spoof route on 50 Shades of Grey. Go to Home Depot, get yourself a bunch of paint samples, and attach fifty gray ones to yourself. And if it makes you feel better, wear heels or carry a whip too. (Or you and nine friends can each dress head-to-toe in five pieces of mismatched gray. And then have an orgy.)
10 | The Magic Mike strippers
Choose which state of Magic Mike undressing you go with based on you (and your friends’) ab situation. You can go anywhere from shirtless with just a tie and cowboy hat all the way up to a full, bulky, head-to-toe firefighter outfit.
11 | The cast of Girls
Just make sure to walk around all night without saying anything funny. (Don’t worry — people will still inexplicably tell you that you’re hilarious.)