How many people believe pro sports are fixed, the government has Tupac killed and the Men in Black are real? The answer is: Millions.
Back in April, I wrote about the 11 Craziest Conspiracy Theories Americans Believe Today. It included everything from the existence of Bigfoot to the CIA introducing crack to the inner cities to the government knowing about 9/11 in advance to the moon landing being faked. In other words, it covered most of America’s legendary, iconic conspiracy theories.
Well, the people behind that survey just did another one… and having blown through all the big guns in the first go-round, this time they had to get a little more creative with their potential conspiracy theories. That didn’t stop a shocking number of Americans from believing them.
Here are 11 more crazy conspiracy theories that millions (and, in some cases, hundreds of millions) of Americans believe.
11 | It’s easy to have a person killed and get away with it if you have enough money, 54 percent
On some level, you’d like to believe this isn’t true. But I’m fairly sure for, let’s say, $200 million, you could find a group of highly skilled mercenaries to help you get away with a murder. Or a takeover of Alcatraz.
10 | The Obama administration is secretly trying to take everyone’s guns away, 36 percent
I’m not sure how much of a secret it is, kind of like the “secret” that the Big Mac special sauce is just thousand island dressing. We’re way too deep into gun culture to get rid of all the guns — just like we were way too deep in alcohol culture to have prohibition. But if the Obama administration somehow succeeds, won’t they foolish when the King of England shows up in Florida the next day to begin his big takeover.
9 | Major sporting events, like the NBA playoffs or Super Bowl, are sometimes rigged by refs and league officials to create outcomes with better ratings and more money/publicity, 32 percent
I’m a bit dismayed to say this is the first one on either the previous list or this list that I genuinely believe. Maybe because I watched the Lakers/Kings 2002 NBA playoff series live, or maybe because, as a Cleveland sports fan, I’m particularly sensitive when all the 50-50 calls seem to go to the big market teams. Either way, I need to make sure this isn’t my gateway drug to becoming an all-out conspiracy theorist. Five years from now, when 11 Points is just a series of incoherent rants about the freemasons, we can all trace it back to this moment.
8 | Barack Obama is secretly trying to figure out a way to stay in office after 2017, 25 percent
Are you kidding? He’s aged 75 years in the six he’s been in office — it’s like he has a cow heart or something. If anything, he’d be trying to get the hell out of there early to hit that sweet, sweet cycle of highly-paid lectures and occasional diplomatic missions in countries with good golf courses. He’d have to be a top-level masochist to stay president one day longer than he has to.
7 | The U.S. government assassinates political leaders who spread a message they don’t like, like Bobby Kennedy and Martin Luther King Jr., 23 percent
I love the ominous entity of “the U.S. government” in a lot of these, as if it’s this one, unified nefarious force and not just some bloated Vogon utopia. I’m not sure the government could conspire to kill anything… but time. HI-YO!
6 | A secret society produces most of America’s political and financial leaders and serves the interests of the wealthy elite, 19 percent
I’m not sure “college” counts as a secret society, but if so, yeah, this is spot on.
5 | A group of world bakers are slowly eliminating paper currency to make all banking electronic… then when it is they’ll cut the power grid so most people won’t have access to money and will be forced into worldwide slavery, 17 percent
How do they come up with these? This is one of those conspiracies that made this conspiracy theories survey that never would’ve qualified for the first survey. I’m not sure “Bigfoot exists” and “the moon landing was fake” could’ve coexisted on a list that featured a conspiracy theory that sounds like a mash-up of NBC’s Revolution and that Simpsons Treehouse of Horror where Kang becomes president.
4 | The U.S. government plans and executes terrorist attacks, then makes it look like they were done by others, 13 percent
This is kind of a generic version of the “government planned 9/11” conspiracy, and similarly farfetched. No matter how much you distrust the government, thinking they plan and carry out terrorist attacks is just a bridge too far. That being said, if this IS true, then someone needs to pull Jack Bauer out of retirement to get to the bottom of this.
3 | The U.S. government assassinates entertainers who spread a counterculture message, like John Lennon, Tupac and Kurt Cobain, 12 percent
I had no idea the government was in cahoots with Mark David Chapman, some low-level wannabe from the ’90s East Coast rap scene, and Kurt Cobain’s hand, respectively. Is there anyone they can’t get to?!?!?
2 | The Men in Black really exist to stop people from finding out that aliens live among humans, 6 percent
Come on, next thing you’re going to tell me is that there’s a group of people who believe the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air is an actual American monarch.
1 | The U.S. government secretly allows aliens to take over society in exchange for help with technological advances, like electricity and the microwave, 3 percent
This is either a brilliantly veiled comment on immigration or people are still having their minds blown by the ability to heat up soup without using the stove.