There’s something about a once-in-a-lifetime trip to a famous monument that just makes people want to do something risque.
Earlier this week I saw this video of a guy high-fiving people posing for photos where they’re pretending to hold up the Leaning Tower of Pisa. It’s a nice, harmless bit of subversive comedy on the unoriginality of a banal humor-lite vacation photography staple; a gentler option to, say, pushing everyone off a boat who did the Titanic “I’m the king of the world” pose.
But enough about that. That video also led me to a related site showing one guy pretending to hammer the Leaning Tower of Pisa into another guy’s rectum.
That sent me off on a surprisingly tricky search for other photos of people pretending to do various sexually-suggestive or inappropriate things to famous landmarks, monuments and statues. Through the wonders of perspective, these DO exist. Here are my 11 favorites…
1 | Leaning Tower of Pisa (Pisa, Italy)
This is the Leaning Tower rectal insertion photo I mentioned in the preamble. It’s a great photo — the commitment from both guys is solid, plus the colors are remarkably vibrant — that’s made even greater by, yes, some dopey tourist pretending to hold up the Tower in the background. Even while the Tower is being violated, she wants to hold it up. Maybe she’s Olivia Benson?
2 | Moai (Easter Island)
With those lips, these guys are just begging to be kissed. And I doubt any women are tall enough or have the acrobatic skill to do anything more raunchy with them. Which is a shame, because as a guy with a giant head and large nose, I do enjoy seeing these statues as sex symbols.
3 | Big Ben (London, England)
Searching for “Big Ben sexual photos” on Google turned up this model pretending to lick the clock… and about a million photos of Ben Roethlisberger with the various women he’s consensually and non-consensually spent time with. This is the only photo where someone else is happily licking Big Ben.
4 | Eiffel Tower (Paris, France)
In all my searches, this was the only one where a woman actually simulated full-on intercourse with a monument. So good on you, lady. In an Internet jammed full of billions of sexually suggestive photos, you managed to find a unique angle.
5 | Chichen Itza (Yucatan, Mexico)
This guy is essentially acting out what happens when you trip out on a Guatemalan Insanity Pepper (aka the Merciless Pepper of Quezalacatenango). You think you can lift up Chichen Izta (or the golf pro shop modeled in its image) and then you begin foreplay with it.
6 | Space Needle (Seattle, Washington)
I’m not going to use this as a launching point to lightly bash Seattle, since I’m already on shaky ground with them after mocking Pearl Jam in Wednesday’s list on famous bands who changed their names. The people of Seattle are very nice folks with progressive tastes who only rarely give handys to their landmarks. (For what it’s worth, I couldn’t find any photos of people doing dirty stuff to their famous bridge troll statue. Only lots of photos of people picking his nose.)
7 | Hollywood Sign (Los Angeles, California)
I bet the Hollywood sign tastes like a mix of tears, exhaust and Wilmer Valderrama.
8 | Paul Bunyan Statue (Brainerd, Minnesota)
And this is what happens when Babe gets into Paul Bunyan’s giant barrel of whiskey. (Seriously, don’t do this pose on Paul Bunyan when you’re wearing all blue. It’s just too on-the-nose.)
9 | Statue of Liberty (New York City)
This is definitely a guy who read in Maxim that your tongue goes at the top of where the two folds meet. He’s not getting it quite right, of course, but he’s well on his way.
10 | Washington Monument (Washington, D.C.)
Don’t know if you guys heard, but the Washington Monument is shaped like a penis. (I did rank George Washington as the fourth most likely gay president, long before Newsweek‘s straw grasping cover declaring Obama the first gay president.)
11 | Great Sphinx (Giza, Egypt)
I’m glad she didn’t do anything dirtier to the Sphinx or HE might’ve had three legs in the afternoon, know what I’m sayin’? (Ten points to Gryffindor for anyone who gets that joke.)