There’s unintentional brilliance buried deep in the heart of the classifieds.
I’ve said this before, but I’ll say it again: Enjoy newspapers while you can. Even though they are on a path to being completely obsolete with the 24-hour news cycle, you’re going to miss them when they’re gone.
One thing you’re going to miss the most: The hilarity of the classifieds in small-town newspapers. Craigslist is never going to replace the unintentional comedy of a good, old-fashioned, paid classified ad. Like these 11. The 11 greatest, most ridiculous, hilarious classified ads I’ve ever seen.
1 | Don’t you want at least a little?
And you really can’t provide the tools?
2 | Such a bad choice of words
Apparently, it never occurred to this person that maybe this phrasing would NOT help move his potty chair.
3 | Totally not important
Just like I don’t care about numbers on this website, I’m just doing it for the love of writing. (Please join my Facebook fan page ASAP, thanks!)
4 | Not sure how these things are related
I suppose it is fun to watch someone weed whack while moving their hips in a slight circle, but I’m not sure if I’m making that a prereq for my gardener.
5 | It’s never too late to say you’re sorry
This guy just wants to ketchup. HI-YO! (Professional comedy writer for almost six years now, folks.)
6 | Grandma? I just got laid off and need a favor
Remember how you said you hated the home we put you in and wanted to live in a place that’s more exciting? Well this isn’t going to disappoint…
7 | Only done it once
This ad gets better with every sentence, culminating with the last one. Pack your bo staff and saddle up for what’s sure to be a wonderful time.
8 | No, this is the “No HomerS” club
But you let Homer HendelBergenHeinzel in!
9 | I’m guessing it’s the latter
But Peter might’ve been pretty good too!
10 | Harsh
This is almost as insulting as having to buy two airplane tickets.
11 | 15 minutes of fame
For one day, until these cockblocking broads had to post a correction, George Brownridge was the coolest man in town.