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written by Sam Greenspan

There’s unintentional brilliance buried deep in the heart of the classifieds.

I’ve said this before, but I’ll say it again: Enjoy newspapers while you can. Even though they are on a path to being completely obsolete with the 24-hour news cycle, you’re going to miss them when they’re gone.

One thing you’re going to miss the most: The hilarity of the classifieds in small-town newspapers. Craigslist is never going to replace the unintentional comedy of a good, old-fashioned, paid classified ad. Like these 11. The 11 greatest, most ridiculous, hilarious classified ads I’ve ever seen.

1 | Don’t you want at least a little?

And you really can’t provide the tools?

2 | Such a bad choice of words

Apparently, it never occurred to this person that maybe this phrasing would NOT help move his potty chair.

3 | Totally not important

Just like I don’t care about numbers on this website, I’m just doing it for the love of writing. (Please join my Facebook fan page ASAP, thanks!)

4 | Not sure how these things are related

I suppose it is fun to watch someone weed whack while moving their hips in a slight circle, but I’m not sure if I’m making that a prereq for my gardener.

5 | It’s never too late to say you’re sorry

This guy just wants to ketchup. HI-YO! (Professional comedy writer for almost six years now, folks.)

6 | Grandma? I just got laid off and need a favor

Remember how you said you hated the home we put you in and wanted to live in a place that’s more exciting? Well this isn’t going to disappoint…

7 | Only done it once

This ad gets better with every sentence, culminating with the last one. Pack your bo staff and saddle up for what’s sure to be a wonderful time.

8 | No, this is the “No HomerS” club

But you let Homer HendelBergenHeinzel in!

9 | I’m guessing it’s the latter

But Peter might’ve been pretty good too!

10 | Harsh

This is almost as insulting as having to buy two airplane tickets.

11 | 15 minutes of fame

For one day, until these cockblocking broads had to post a correction, George Brownridge was the coolest man in town.