Making a corny movie title is like art. Bad, embarrassing art.
How do I define a corny movie title? I view it as a title that’s so incredibly bad, it becomes good again. A title that cannot be used in a serious conversation because it’s so over-the-top.
These titles are instant punchlines. Not necessarily because of the content of their movies — although there’s a very strong correlation between corny titles and horrid movies — but because the mere mention of these alone is a punchline.
Movies like To Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything, Julie Newmar, Freddy Got Fingered, and Amazon Women From the Moon all avoided the cut — because those are bad titles, not necessarily corny titles. And Breakin 2: Electric Boogaloo isn’t here because it’s been done to death.
I’m done overthinking it. Let’s get on with this.
1 | The Hottie and the Nottie
To use this in daily life, just wait for any pair of attractively mismatched people to pass by. Then comment to everyone in earshot, “Wow, did I accidentally stumble into a screening of The Hottie and the Nottie?” Seriously. Try it. Just once.
2 | Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel
This movie, with this jaw-droppingly spectacular wordplay in the title, made $443 million. Did the wordplay contribute to its incredible success? Compare this to a sequel that doesn’t have a flashy title like, say, The Godfather: Part Two. Made $245 million. You throw something a little clever-er in there, like The Godfather: The Siciquel and it might’ve made up the difference.
3 | Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous
Just beat out another Sandra Bullock classic sequel, Speed 2: Cruise Control. But I went with this one because you can’t say this with a straight face. This is my favorite sequel title of all time. But only because the sequel to The Hills Have Eyes was not The Hills Have Eyes 2: The Hills Don’t Have Eyes.
4 | Beautician and the Beast
Horribly cheesy twist on the name of a classic fairy tale. Right up there with things like Cinderfella and Snow White and the Seven Dorks. (Which, of course, turns to eight dorks when you add Studly to the mix.)
Sidebar: In Beautician and the Beast, Timothy Dalton plays the role of the beast. How the mighty have fallen! This man was once James Bond. Well, twice.
5 | How Stella Got Her Groove Back
Anytime a middle-aged female friend, co-worker, or important business contact tells you she’s going on a tropical vacation, ask her if she’s going to get her groove back. They love that.
6 | From Prada To Nada
This list was actually inspired when I was walking past a movie theater today and saw that a movie called From Prada To Nada was playing. It’s rare that I’m caught off guard by a movie title — I keep in touch enough that I usually know when these things are coming — but man, this one came out of nowhere.
Don’t know what this movie’s about, but I’m going to go ahead and speculate it’s a huge step down for the Prada brand from The Devil Wears Prada. Sloppy brand management. (That’s why you don’t see movies with titles like Gummi Burberry or Louboutin Twirlers.)
7 | Legally Blonde 2: Red, White and Blonde
The subtitle is perfect in every way. And the fact that they manage to use the word “blonde” twice in a seven-word title — mwah! That’s devotion to your bread-and-butter right there. Not necessarily strong on the search engine optimization front, but whatever.
8 | Maid In Manhattan
This beats out my 12th choice (Monster-In-Law) because of the maid/made homophone. Let’s all be mature enough not to take that “homophone” softball and smash it.
9 | Juwanna Mann
I have found that the phrase Juwanna Mann is an absolute showstopper. When you say it, you actually pause time. If you haven’t seen the movie (and I’m guessing you haven’t seen the movie) — it’s like the WNBA version of Tootsie. That should’ve been the marketing campaign.
10 | I Can Do Bad All By Myself
Anyone else have the feeling that, before it’s all said and done, Tyler Perry is going to singlehandedly redefine the concept of a terrible movie title?
11 | Anything in the Air Bud series
I couldn’t pick just one Air Bud movie. I’m not strong enough. Do you go with the football masterpiece Air Bud: Golden Receiver? The soccer classic Air Bud: World Pup? The baseball triumph Air Bud: Seventh Inning Fetch? Or the mailed-in volleyball title Air Bud: Spikes Back?
Well, definitely not Air Bud: Spikes Back. Weak. But the other ones are amazing. If they ever make another one, I’m hoping for a hockey movie called Air Bud: Zam-bone-i. Or perhaps an archery themed Air Bud: Marking His T-arrow-tory. I could go on.
…
And I will! How about a Karate Kid parody called Air Bud: Hump the Leg, Johnny? Or a Biblical epic called Air Bud: The Lord Is My German Shepherd. Or better yet Air Bud: Neuteronomy?