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written by Sam Greenspan

I made $121 worth of ridiculous bets on the Super Bowl again this year. How’d I do?

Last week, I bet $11 on 11 different strange prop bets for the Super Bowl.

Last year, I ended up losing about $14. How would this year turn out? Let us see…

1 | Will Christina Aguilera wear a cowboy hat while singing the national anthem?

Yes – 5/2

They didn’t offer odds on “no.” Which was smart by them… everyone who bet this (aka me and NO ONE ELSE IN THE WORLD) lost their money. I’m $11 in the hole.

Sam’s result: Loss. Running tally: 0-1 (-$11)

2 | How long will it take Christina Aguilera to sing the national anthem?

Over 1:54 – 20/31
Under 1:54 – 23/20

This was the closest bet of the day. As you may’ve heard, Christina Aguilera actually botched the lyrics to the anthem. By botching them, she ended up clocking in RIGHT at 1:54. Apparently the official time had her just a fraction underneath 1:54, so this one went as a tough, tough loss. Christina Aguilera’s lack of paying attention in civics class just cost me $7 in profit, man.

Sam’s result: Loss. Running tally: 0-2 (-$22)

3 | How many times will FOX show Jerry Jones on TV during the game? (Live pictures only, no taped pictures or past video.)

Over 3 – 5/4
Under 3 – 20/33

As I predicted, Jerry Jones was not the star of the show. Cowboys Stadium really didn’t much attention during the game itself. It was like the focus was on the game or something. So I won, as Jerry was not shown three times.

Sam’s result: Win! Running tally: 1-2 (-$15.33)

4 | Will a punt by any team hit the scoreboard during the game?

Yes – 10/1
No – 1/25

I knew it was an insane long shot to go with “yes” when I made the bet, but I wasn’t doing 1/25 odds. One of the punters actually did hit the scoreboard in pregame warm-ups but during the game, no dice. No punts hit the scoreboard and I lost my $11, as expected.

Sam’s result: Loss. Running tally: 1-3 (-$26.33)

5 | First End Zone Celebration

Touchdown spike – 2/1
Championship Belt – 2/1
Round-off or backflip – 5/1
Snow angel – 10/1
Chicken dance – 5/1
Dunks football through the uprights – 7/2
Dirty bird – 5/1
Shows his biceps – 6/1
The worm – 15/1
Pulls out cell phone – 12/1
Throat slash – 5/1
Riverdance – 12/1
Takes cheerleader’s pom poms – 15/1
Pulls out Sharpie, signs football – 15/1
Moons fans – 20/1
Quiets the crowd – 5/1
Military salute – 7/1
The Squirrel – 12/1
Funky Chicken – 15/1
Lambeau Leap – 2/1
The Shuffle – 15/1
Fun Bunch – 15/1

I went through an insane logic maze to decide to bet the bicep celebration. When Jordy Nelson of Green Bay scored the first TD I started frantically asking what the celebration was. Turned out it was just a little bit of the airplane arms followed by doing one of those back-to-back jumps that the kids enjoy. Every bet lost. Pure moneymaker for the sketchy sportsbook in Antigua or on the Rock of Gibraltar or wherever the hell they’re based.

Sam’s result: Loss. Running tally: 1-4 (-$37.33)

6 | Who will FOX show first on TV during the game?

Jessica Szohr (girlfriend of Aaron Rodgers) – 5/7
Ashley Harlan (fiancee of Ben Roethlisberger) – 1/1

I was loving my pick of Roethlisberger’s lady a few days after I made the bet and found out that Rodgers isn’t actually dating Jessica Szohr. Which we should’ve guessed. I bet he has a complex about being close to people with weirdly-spelled five-letter last names.

FOX didn’t end up showing either of the ladies and instead of just taking everyone’s money, the book where I made this bet called this a push. I got my $11 back.

Sam’s result: Push. Running tally: 1-4-1 (-$37.33)

7 | What will Fergie be wearing in her first appearance in the halftime show?

Pants (below knees) – 1/1
Shorts (above knees) – 3/1
Skirt or dress – 1/1
Thong/g-string/bikini bottom – 10/1
Tight bodysuit – 7/1

I bet on shorts. So naturally she went with a skirt. At least from what I heard. I didn’t actually watch the halftime show.

Sam’s result: Loss. Running tally: 1-5-1 (-$48.33)

8 | How many times will FOX mention Brett Favre on TV during the game? (Must say “Brett Favre” exactly.)

Over 2.5 – 1/2
Under 2.5 – 3/2

I really thought this was my lock. How can Green Bay be in the Super Bowl in what is (ostensibly) Favre’s final season without Favre coming up over and over and over and over? But somehow… not a trace. Forget 2.5 mentions. There wasn’t even ONE mention of Brett Favre. He got mentioned more times in the (horrendous) postgame episode of Glee than he did in the Super Bowl.

Sam’s result: Shocking loss. Running tally: 1-6-1 (-$59.33)

9 | Who will have more total passing yards, Aaron Rodgers or Brett Favre from Super Bowl XXXI?

Rodgers goes over 246 – 10/11
Favre’s 246 remains higher – 5/6

This was just the slump breaker that I needed. Rodgers had a fantastic Super Bowl (other than, ya know, the middle portion) and easily racked up 304 passing yards. He exorcised the Brett Favre demon AND won my second bet of the day. ($10 for the win, plus $11 bet returned.)

Sam’s result: Win! Running tally: 2-6-1 (-$49.33)

10 | How many NFL players will be arrested during Super Bowl weekend?

Over 0.5 players – 3/2
Under 0.5 players – 1/2

A random Vikings player was arrested (twice!) but both were earlier in the week, not during Super Bowl weekend. From all reports Dallas was way too cold for anyone to get into any real trouble. The NFL players rewarded my faith in the goodness of mankind by staying out of trouble, and my bet on the “under” paid off. I won $5.50 back on that bet.

Sam’s result: Win! Running tally: 3-6-1 (-$43.83)

11 | Which Super Bowl commercial will have a higher rating on USA Today’s annual ad meter?

Bud Light – 11/4
Budweiser – 11/4
Doritos – 11/2 – 10/1
Pepsi Max – 6/1
Skechers – 12/1
Teleflora – 15/1
The field – 5/2

I bet Bud Light, I was rooting for them, but I didn’t think Bud Light deserved to win. I really didn’t. Their commercials felt pretty uninspired to me. I personally would’ve voted for the NFL commercial where they digitally added football gear to TV clips or possibly for the Hyundai commercial featuring outdated technology. Perhaps I have a hard-on for nostalgia.

But the Ad Meter don’t care about me. It cares about, well, someone else. And those people inexplicably voted the Bud Light ad where dogs serve drinks at a party to number one. Well… it tied Doritos and their dog ad, but a tie at number one is still number one.

That bet paid back $30.25, making it my giant winner of the day, and actually making this year’s Super Bowl gambling venture a straight-up win.

Sam’s result: Win! Running tally: 4-6-1 (-$13.58)

Earlier, I added this up, double-counted by wins and thought I won money. Nope. I lost. But at least I lost a dollar less than last year. Which is sort of a win. Sort of. The fact that I messed up the math earlier stings a lot more than losing 13 bucks.