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written by Sam Greenspan

What happens if we find actual prostitution mugshots from Ludacris’s Area Codes?

Last night the Ludacris song Area Codes randomly came on iTunes. And as I listened to him rattle off area code after area code where he claims to have, quote, “hoes,” I got to thinking — I’d like to see some of the hoes he’s referring to.

So I began a massive web search, matching up area codes from the Ludacris song with mugshots of prostitutes who’ve been arrested in those area codes. Of course, I couldn’t match them all — this list only goes to 11 and he lists 41 total.

Plus, one of the area codes where he claims to have hoes is 808, which corresponds to a scientist- and military-only area of the Midway Islands — and, believe it or not, no one’s been busted for selling sex over there. [Edit: Apparently it also corresponds to Hawaii, where there certainly are hoes aplenty. Thanks for steering me wrong, initial surface-level Internet search!]

But here, as a cross section sample, are 11 mugshots of real, actual hoes from Ludacris’s area codes — in the order he mentions the area codes in his lyrics. (No, I don’t understand how my mind works, either.)

1 | 770 – Atlanta suburbs

This Ludacris affiliate (and her husband) come from Winder, Georgia. They are Elizabeth and Richard McCannon — a husband and wife. They were arrested last April because Richard was, allegedly, pimping out his (apparently six-foot-tall) wife, Elizabeth, over Craigslist. We’re off to a roarin’ start.

2 | 404 – Atlanta

Ludacris’s home area code is kind enough to put their vice mugshots online, making this easy. I chose the four mugshots above because, for whatever reason, it’s really hard to find mugshots of male prostitutes (not johns or pimps), and I wanted to make sure they were represented. (Otherwise I was going to have to use a photo of Deuce Bigalow representing Rob Schneider’s home 415 area code, and no one would’ve wanted that.)

3 | 901 – Memphis

This is 40-year-old Diana Morgan, who was arrested in an undercover sting… and was clearly unhappy about having her mugshot taken.

4 | 305 – Miami

This isn’t any ordinary Ludacris ho — just like you’d expect from Miami. This is 26-year-old Sasha Harris, whose name we know because she’s the prostitute who got into a brawl with Vince Shlomi, aka the Shamwow guy.

You can read up on their fight here. Executive summary: He paid her a grand, says she bit his tongue and wouldn’t let go (apparently violating the Julia Roberts prostitutes-don’t-kiss-on-the-mouth rule), he punched her until she released. They were both arrested but no charges were ever filed.

5 | 215 – Philadelphia

The mugshot above became famous when the Phillies were in the World Series, and the woman above, 43-year-old Susan Finkelstein of Bensalem, Pennsylvania, put an ad on Craigslist offering to trade sex for tickets to a game.

Eventually, she was found guilty of attempted prostitution… even worse, she didn’t get to go to any of the games. (And even worse than that, the Yankees ended up beating the Phillies.)

6 | 410 – Eastern Maryland

In Area Codes, Luda shouts out every single possible area code in Maryland — making that the only state where he has 100 percent total ho penetration. (Figuratively.) And yet… finding mugshots of Marylander (?) prostitutes was surprisingly tricky.

I did find the 36-year-old ginger above, who was busted last year for prostitution. She’s got to represent for the entire state.

7 | 704 – Gastonia, North Carolina

This North Carolineze (?) prostitute, Nicole Scarpone, was arrested in March of last year for breaking into a random apartment and demanding that the three men inside have sex with her for $10. (I think each. I hope each.)

They refused and called the police. She was arrested.

I keep staring at her mugshot and thinking that it’s what Mary Lynn Rajskub (aka Chloe from 24) would look like if she’d made like three different decisions in her life.

8 | 702 – Las Vegas

Finding a prostitute in Las Vegas is just as easy as accepting a business card from any member of the phalanx of chartreuse-t-shirted Hispanic gentlemen lining the streets of the Strip. I chose the mugshot above because, come on, if you have to pick one representative of the Vegas prostitution scene, you go for the woman in the leopard-print shirt with gigantic fake breasts, right?

9 | 414 – Milwaukee

This is husband and wife Jacquess “Madame Venus” Patton-Ugan and Richard Ugan. They were arrested in 2001 when their grandchildren called the cops to report the S&M prostitution business Jacquess and Richard were running out of the basement. The cops found restraints on the walls, in a doctor’s chair, and around a device known as the “Greek Horse.”

10 | 281 – Houston

This mugshot (and several others here) come from a raid of the St. James Cabaret strip club. (It’s in the 281, not another Ludacris area code, 713. I actually looked that up. That’s what my flashy journalism degree is for.)

I chose this one because she kinda looks like Mila Kunis, who I find just exceptionally attractive. Even in the form of her prostituting doppelganger. (Or perhaps doppelgangbanger?)

11 | 708 – Chicago suburbs

Coming out of Tinley Park, Illinois (a southwest suburb of Chicago), here are 49-year-old Kimberly “Big Kim” Miniea and her daughter, 19-year-old Kimberly Peterson. The mother-daughter Kim team were arrested for running a brothel out of their house. It’s incidents like this that really give Take Your Daughter To Work Day a bad name.