With my best theory and worst theory to explain them all.
There’s a fine art to news graphics — they have to concisely summarize a story, provide info and context and entice viewers to stay tuned. And they’re probably being whipped up by a 24-year-old with virtually no time to stop and/or think.
Here are 11 news graphics that probably could use a bit more explanation, along with my best and worst theories for what the story is really about.
1 | Florida Teen Myths
Best theory: Teenagers in Florida shared the horribly misguided sex advice they’d gotten from friends.
Worst theory: Teenagers in Florida shared the horribly misguided sex advice they’d gotten from the official state curriculum.
2 | Man Forced to Eat Beard
Best theory: Some nefarious hillbillies robbed this guy and inexplicably forced him to eat his beard.
Worst theory: He suffers from a rare disease where his beard is taking over his face and making his facial features shrink, with his only course of action being to eat the beard as it tries to take over his mouth.
3 | Suspicious Flashlight
Best theory: Perhaps the flashlight was left on the street during a time when everyone was extra jumpy, like after the Boston Marathon bombing, and people would call the cops about anything.
Worst theory: A flashlight went on a crime spree in Phoenix and this innocent flashlight made people suspicious. (It is black, after all.)
4 | Horse Herpes
Best theory: Someone gave herpes to a horse, which sounds both terrible and awkward.
Worst theory: FOX 69 feels the need to throw in at least one tawdry story every day, even if they have to make it up.
5 | Surprisingly Not Dead
Best theory: A crocodile hunter looking to take Steve Irwin’s vacated throne recounts a near-death experience.
Worst theory: You know how in The Ring people who are going to die have blurry faces in photos?
6 | White House: Obama Can’t Go Back in Time
Best theory: Someone once again blamed Obama for the Iraq War, 9/11, the Challenger explosion, Bay of Pigs, the War of 1812 and/or the Crusades.
Worst theory: Obama did figure out how to go back in time and the Liberal Media is covering for him, like they always do.
7 | PB&J Sandwiches: Are They Racist?
Best theory: Man, I’m stumped on this one. There is no good explanation.
Worst theory: How come they always gotta be on white bread, huh?
8 | Wife Stabs Husband With Squirrel
Best theory: A woman stabbed her husband with a taxidermied squirrel. Fortunately, it couldn’t do a ton of damage.
Worst theory: A sex game went very, very wrong.
9 | What Are You Gonna Do, Stab Me?
Best theory: The person responded “Yes.” (The spoiler is right there on the top of the screen.)
Worst theory: The guy who got stabbed didn’t actually say this quote and made it up afterwards to try to go viral.
10 | Inmate Overdoses on Underwear
Best theory: A prison inmate ate a bunch of underwear to try to either prove he was too insane to stand trial or get out by going to a hospital.
Worst theory: Smoke ’em if you’ve got ’em.
11 | Where Is Europe?
Best theory: These two are discussing where European countries stand on a major geopolitical issue and this is just poor phrasing.
Worst theory: I dunno, next to China, maybe?