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written by Sam Greenspan

Some signs are concise, informative and helpful. And then there are these.

Not going for deep substance here today, folks. These are 11 photographs of signs that I’ve seen on various websites — and each of these signs just makes me laugh.

1 | Die. Or pay

I guess this sign follows along with the law that makes suicide illegal.

2 | America’s true feelings on soccer

The sport is really never going to catch on in this country. Because this is how we really feel about its players.

3 | When a simple “Beware of Dog” isn’t enough

Does this imply that after the pit bull bites a trespasser it has sex with him? Regardless, it’s an aggressively offensive measure to take to try to keep people off your dirt farm.

4 | I support Bill too

The graffiti response here always, always, always makes me laugh. I’m such a sucker for this genre of joke.

5 | The Astroglide fence

Maybe if you climb this fence into the yard where the pit bull has AIDS it’ll make your awful, awful day go slightly smoother.

6 | No one wants to become a wee model

As much as I’m sure people appreciated the warning, the sign is verbose enough that it really would give the wee model maker ample time to photograph and sculpt anyone who takes the time to read it.

7 | Out of office

This one takes a little explanation. The top part of the sign is in English, and the bottom is in Welsh. Unfortunately, the translation of the Welsh actually reads “I am not in the office at the moment. Send any work to be translated.”

8 | So… am I allowed here or not?

Best I can tell, as long as it’s Monday through Thursday, it’s not a holiday, and there’s no holiday the next day, you can drive your 34-foot or longer vehicle at night. But there’s all sorts of punctuation missing from this soliloquy of a sign, so that’s just a guess.

9 | No pets allowed

Or are they? No, they’re not. Unless they are. Which they aren’t. Possibly. And possibly not. Maybe.

10 | First time at a bidet?

It’s for sittin’, not for standin’, drinkin’, squattin’, fishin’ or dog pissin’.

11 | Condoms aren’t always effective

Not technically a sign but it was photographed hanging on a wall, so I’m going to count it. Because I love it.