Just to prove nothing is going to change on this website now that I have a book, I Photoshopped Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes peeing on a bunch of stuff.
“So Sam, you’re now a published author and your website just hit its three-year anniversary. What are you going to do next?”
“I figured I’d spend a night Photoshopping Calvin pissing on stuff.”
1 | Jellyfish stings
If you’re gonna pee on something, might as well make it productive. Calvin could go around relieving people’s jellyfish pain, not just befouling the Ford logo.
2 | Judge Judy’s leg
And while he does it, he has to tell her it’s raining.
3 | R. Kelly
How can you know if other people like something unless you try it yourself, right? Calvin can give him something hot and fresh out the kitchen.
4 | Dennis the Menace
There can only be one! This would be the first blow in a Highlander battle between the two impish, towheaded cartoon boys.
5 | A pregnancy test
And, if the peeing-on-pregnancy-test scene in Juno taught us anything it’s that as Calvin pees on the pregnancy test he’ll get to exchange cringeworthy dialogue with Rainn Wilson.
6 | Jeffrey Lebowski’s rug
Calvin cares not about really tying the room together.
7 | A book on copyright infringement
Bill Watterson, the creator of Calvin and Hobbes, doesn’t get a royalty every time someone slaps a Calvin peeing sticker on the back of their windshield. So in an abstract sort of way, EVERY sticker of Calvin peeing on something is really him peeing on copyright law.
8 | Calvin Coolidge
Frankly, this is just bad luck by Calvin Coolidge — one of the famous Calvins was getting the call here and it turned out to be him. I figured he was just more worthy than John Calvin and less… um… busy than Calvin Murphy.
9 | Brooke Shields and her Calvins
After this incident, perhaps some detergent should come between her and her Calvins.
10 | Kelvins
Absolute zero? Ha! I piss on your theoretical temperatures! (And, in the process, warm them back up and out of the theoretical range.)
11 | Roy Hobbs
Calvin should pee on Roy “The Natural” Hobbs to let him know there’s only one Hobbes who he respects. [Side note: Has anyone ever accused The Natural of being all roided up? I know he had his special bat, but really. Not buying it. Someone make that guy pee in a cup. Although, if he’s clever, perhaps he can buy clean urine for the test. Maybe even Calvin’s clean urine. Full circle!]