11 Yearbook Photos That Musicians Wish We'd Never Seen
Posted Thursday, July 2, 2009 at 12:01:00 AM
Every once in a while, I write down a piece of advice I'd like to pass on to my kids one day. (In fact, these pieces of advice may soon form an 11Points list.) The addition that sparked this list: Take each yearbook photos as serious as life or death.
Because, more so than anything else that happens to you in high school, yearbook photos stay with you and have the potential to permanently haunt you. HAUNT.
Like, for example, the yearbook photos on this list. People in the music industry are all about their image. The image sells everything. As Jennifer Lopez proved, singing talent is among the least important, if not THE least important, determinant of record deals/album sales/industry success.
So here we're going to look at 11 people in the music industry whose yearbook photos completely and totally belie the marketing image their entire careers are based upon.
- Avril Lavigne. We always knew we were being sold something with Avril... the whole suburban Canadian punk rock badass image all felt so corporate. Well... here's what she looked like before a record company slapped a few spiked bracelets and heavy eye makeup on her.
- Gene Simmons. His yearbook photo shows him back when he was Chaim Witz, a nice, well-groomed Jewish mensch. That was long before he put on face makeup, stuck his tongue out, and saved Santa.
- Eminem. I'm not sure if it's the mullet or the goofy, googly facial expression... but his yearbook photo completely belies his "I'm a giant dick" public persona. Somehow, though, you can still tell he was legit white trash.
- Tina Turner. Back when she was Annie Mae Bullock. It's not that she's necessarily unattractive... but she's frumpy to the point where no one could've predicted she'd have the face and body that launched a thousand drag queens.
- Benji Madden. Everything that Good Charlotte's ever done has been contrived. I intentionally chose a picture of modern Benji, with his strategic tattoos and piercings, standing in front of a Nickelodeon logo.
- Steven Tyler. Why... so... serious?
- Marilyn Manson. Marilyn Manson wasn't a strategically-calculated freakshow growing up. In fact... he wasn't even close.
- Madonna. Madonna in high school looks completely ready to be a seamstress or receptionist or housewife with a drinking problem. So it took some serious twists to quickly transition her into the Madonna on the right.
- Jim Morrison. How much does his yearbook photo scream, "Go to the local state university for four years, get a degree in architecture and eventually become a middle manager?"
- Prince. This is the only case where the yearbook photo makes the person look way tougher, cooler and more badass than the modern photo.
- Lil Jon. There are no words. Other than Whaaaaaaat?
And finally, though the list of 11 is done, I have one epilogue note. Ryan Seacrest's not a musician like the rest, but thanks to "American Idol" and his radio show, he is connected to the music industry. And I would be doing you a disservice if I didn't bust out his image-shattering yearbook photo too.
You're welcome.
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1. 11Points.com is a blog made up entirely of 11-item lists. Because top 10 lists are for cowards.
2. Every list is written by one guy. His name is Sam Greenspan. That's his photo up there. He's a writer, producer and performer living in Los Angeles.
3. And by that, he actually does make his living doing those things. It's not one of those L.A. things where he's a writer by night and, like, a Benihana chef during the day.
4. He works at Break.com as part of their original production team, making comedy videos full-time. He's also the co-founder of the award-winning video site PandaSmash.com.
5. He's originally from the Cleveland area and, although this may not be evident from this website, he's a classically trained journalist from Northwestern's Medill School of Journalism. Although they never mention him in the newsletters.
6. He loves lists. Enough to write one almost daily.
7. 11 was one of his lucky numbers growing up. So was 25. He liked 25 because it was Mark Price's number on the Cavs, and Mark Price is the patron saint of all short, white, non-athletic-looking basketball players. He doesn't remember why he liked 11.
8. He's debating why he chose to write this list in third person, he's finding it feels really forced.
9. He will add you on Twitter... in fact he'd love to! And please sign up for the 11 Points fan page on Facebook.
10. You can contact him via e-mail.
Yeah, it's an unclickable graphic. Take that, spammers.
11. It's time to stop reading this list and start reading his others. Mostly filler-free. Mostly.
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