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written by Sam Greenspan

When abbreviations go horribly wrong, we all win.

There are three instances of a word being shortened to “ASS” below. I had about 150 choices and narrowed it down to three. A LOT of things shorten to “ASS.”

Here are 11 extremely unfortunate moments in abbreviations, captured and immortalized by the Internet. Enjoy…

1 | 2th Avenue

I’ve been to Ybor City in Tampa. Everyone I saw either seemed like they were on their way to a strip club or a photo shoot titled “Men in Sunglasses With No Less Than Six Tattoos Wearing a Black Tank Top.” Which is why it’s kind of amazing that anyone had the wherewithal to notice this sign and take a picture.

2 | Awaiting President Obama’s arrival

I mean… they clearly have enough room in the graphic to include the “AIN.”

3 | Winnie the Pooh

To get the obligatory Simpsons reference out of the way, are POO and ASS taken? Also, it took me 15 times looking at this before I realized they also abbreviated Winnie.

4 | Meth Bible Camp

Throwing a little meth into the mix would certainly would make the arts and crafts at the camp more interesting. You’ve seen someone glue dried macaroni to a piece of paper… but have you ever seen someone do that for 72 hours straight?

5 | Want to become a member of The Vag?

Two years ago I did a list of 11 Acronyms Whose Dirty Meanings Have Usurped Their Clean Meanings. I feel like the folks at the Vag should take a look and perhaps rethink how they brand themselves. Unless, of course, they primarily deal in Georgia O’Keeffe reprints.

6 | The Hunt For Lincoln’s Ass

As we know, Lincoln is the president who was second-most likely to be gay. So this could just as easily be the title of a gay porn period piece.

7 | IBS Returns to Vegas

Since it’s returning to Vegas, then, by definition, when IBS happens in Vegas it doesn’t stay in Vegas.

8 | Death By…

Neil DeGrasse Tyson takes a moment from his busy schedule as a renown astrophysicist to quickly pump out some Dolemite fan fiction.

9 | The Kelly Kirby Kindergarten Piano Method

I’m guessing this method involves primarily playing the white keys.

10 | The worst Jerry Sandusky abbreviation of all

I mean, come on BBC. It was the one and only time you couldn’t make a mistake like this… and you made a mistake like this. Fifteen years ago, our news stations didn’t report YOUR tragic news as “Princess Die.”

11 | The Port Townsend School District, or PTSD

Yes, in retrospect, I should’ve been listening to a manlier song when I took the screenshot.

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