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written by Sam Greenspan

Strip clubs come up with some great names and slogans.

If there’s one thing that brings out people’s creativity, it’s sex. That’s why the porn industry drives technology. It’s why there are more varieties of KY Jelly than Smucker’s Jelly. And it’s why I set off to find photos of the funniest strip club signs from around the world.

Here are 11 funny strip club signs I found. (Well, a few of the below are montages I put together, but you get the basic point)…

1 | Plan B, Los Angeles, California

About 10 minutes from my house in Los Angeles, there’s a strip club called Plan B. I find that to be a brilliant name for a strip club.

It’s such a genius summary of why you’d go to their strip club: Going out and actually picking up a real woman to get naked for you is plan A… if that fails, on to Plan B.

That, or because it’s a great spot to celebrate your girlfriend taking Plan B.

2 | Million Dollar Saloon, Windsor, Ontario, Canada

I also have personal experience with this one. Like Plan B, I’ve never been inside. But I’ve made a few trips to Windsor and I always loved this sign.

As I searched for these signs, I learned that many, many strip clubs use the “XX beautiful girls and one ugly one” gimmick. But I can’t shake this feeling that the Canadians did first. Because while Americans would find that funny, Canadians would have sympathy and actually go into the strip club to try to make the ugly stripper feel better by tossing a few toonies her way.

Sympathy always sells better than humor. It’s why Sears did product placement on Extreme Makeover: Home Edition and not on the first 2/3rds of Funny People.

3 | Lusty Lady, Seattle, Washington

This Seattle strip club is apparently quite famous for the suggestive puns it puts on its marquee. Generally they’re along the lines of “Come see our stimulus package!” or “Out With the Cold, In With the Nude.”

But when they start throwing some Latin humor up there (and by Latin humor I mean classical Latin, not Carlos Mencia talking about the decline in off ramp orange sales)… well, I have to give them some dap. (They translate to “I came, I saw, I came” and “At one’s pleasure, by one’s own hand.”)

4 | Vaginas R Us, Los Angeles, California

Another personal story here. So almost exactly four years ago, a strip club by LAX airport here decided they’d drum up business by adding a slogan to their marquee that read “Vaginas R Us.” This drew huge criticism from two different sources: (1) The L.A. powers-that-be, all of whom found it unacceptably vulgar and (2) more frighteningly, the Toys R Us people, who found it unacceptably infringe-y.

The strip club tried mollifying both — by making the text smaller to, I guess, decrease the visibility of the vulgarity… and by changing “R” to “ARE.”

Neither worked and eventually they caved to pressure and got rid of the slogan altogether.

Anyway, before they changed it, I headed down to LAX to grab a photo of the sign for my former employers. (We were in the funny current events business — it made sense.) So the pictures below feature the slogan large, the slogan small, the slogan with “are”… and one of me in my old glasses taking a self-portrait in front of the sign.

5 | Shangri-La West, Fort Wayne, Indiana

The Shangri-La’s official sign isn’t funny… it’s their wooden, spray painted sign that cracked me up. Hmm, wonder why there isn’t a huge market for people to buy used strip club chairs?

6 | Foreign Copyright Infringements, Edsvära, Sweden, and Itaewon, South Korea

I always love when foreign businesses co-opt U.S. trademarks because, really, the amount of paperwork that would go into enforcing one would even make a Vogon shudder.

Here’s a Swedish strip club that turned the McDonald’s logo into boobs… and a Korean strip club that bridges the gap between the Starbucks of today and the Starbucks featured in Idiocracy.

7 | The Great Alaskan Bush Co., Anchorage, Alaska, and Phoenix, Arizona

Best strip club name in the world. I can guarantee this. It’s such a marketable strip club name that the Anchorage one franchised down to Phoenix.

A bush company makes less sense in Phoenix. In Alaska, people need all the body hair they’ve got to stay warm. In Phoenix… well, not so much. If my impressions are correct, there may not be a single female pubic hair in the greater Phoenix-Scottsdale-Tempe metro area that hasn’t been lasered off.

Yet I’d still want a t-shirt from the Phoenix Great Alaskan Bush Co. Even if it’s the strip club equivalent of the Utah Jazz.

8 | Chicas Locas, Arlington, Texas

Odds are, if you go to a strip club in Texas, your stripper’s going to be a crazy woman who speaks at least a little Spanish. This sign just takes all the guesswork out of it.

9 | Fear of God, Elkton, Tennessee, and Sparta, Kentucky

It’s pretty clear that both of the Jesus billboards came after the strip club billboards. Still, the juxtaposition is tremendous. And absolutely backfiring on the religious folk — their billboards draw MORE attention to the strip club billboards (definitely on the Internet, and probably on the road).

If I’m ever in Elkton, Tennessee… and let’s be honest, that’s probably never going to happen, but never say never… I’m definitely going to the Boobie Bungalow. And afterward, my strategy for cleansething myself will be a shower.

10 | Chix on Dix, Detroit, Michigan

Just too much like the old, not politically correct cliche chicks with dicks. I bet the first time you read the name you thought of transitioning men, not the intended meaning of strippers sitting on laps. That’s just shoddy brand management.

11 | Signs on the Wall, Various

These are all signs posted in strip clubs, either backstage for the dancers, or out front for the customers. And they’re all fantastic.

Clockwise from top left: The note about being on time just dripping with passive-aggressive condescension… the sign that Coors Light probably wishes they hadn’t sponsored… the diagram of how far to keep your pubic/vagina from a customer’s face.

But the best is the bottom left — the stripper who freebased some heroin then had the gall to leave her tin foil around without recycling it. I mean, come on, lady. It’s one thing to be a heroin junkie… but you cross the line if you’re also a litterbug!

And finally, I present one more strip club sign. It wasn’t quite strong enough to make my 11, but I still wanted to share it…

Sure you counted the number of nude gyrating women… but did you see the dancing bear???