It’s tough when your nice picture is ruined by a horny animal.
There’s some part of human nature that really makes us laugh when attempted sexiness crashes and burns.
Well, I’d like to amend that for today’s (similar) list. There’s also some part of human nature that just loves watching animals do stuff in public that we only do in private.
It’s why the video of the monkey scratching his ass then falling is one of the most famous clips in Internet history.
For today’s list, I compiled 11 great photos of people that were messed up (or, let’s be honest, for our purposes, they were exponentially improved) by animals doing nasty stuff in the background.
1 | That’s a long fall
I’m worried about purple shirt girl. That’s a solid 10-foot fall, all because this elephant couldn’t wait to bone.
I tore my ACL playing adult kickball. Because of that, for the past eight months, I’ve had to tell people I tore my ACL during a kickball game. I’m 30 years old. The relevance? If that girl breaks her arm or worse on the fall, she has to spend the next year-plus telling people she got injured when her elephant safari-raped another elephant. And all of a sudden my adult kickball injury doesn’t look so strange.
2 | The dog is thirsty
On the bright side, all I can look at is the dog drinking out of the toilet and not those hideous tattoos of… jellyfish? butterflies? a miniature boxer celebrating a victory? an eye? all of the above?
3 | Dog humps trophy, rifle unharmed
My favorite part of this photo is that the guy appears to be trying to drag the dead buck away from his horny dog. Once that dog is lodged in there, dragging the deer isn’t going to get him to stop. You’re just going to give him a bumpy ride which’ll enhance his experience! It’s essentially the interspecies necrophilia equivalent of putting a quarter in a vibrating bed.
4 | A little captain in ’em
I don’t blame the humping dog — there are so many pale white thighs being thrown around, he just pounced on the nearest pair.
5 | This might’ve been in my ruined sexy photos list but, ya know…
After looking at this photo for a few minutes, I’m realizing that if she just rotated like 15 more degrees, she and the dog would be in the exact same pose.
6 | Just keep looking at the camera, just keep looking at the camera
That’s the danger of taking photos of rhinos. They’re so damn horny. (The Mayor of Pun City is BACK! Go ahead and bag on that pun. I’ve got a thick skin.)
7 | Real estate website mistake
I actually had this photo in an old list. It’s apparently from a real estate website that wanted to show off this living room… but didn’t realize there was some interracial dog sex going on in the background. At least it distracts from the only-kinda-matching couch and chair, right?
8 | Dogs do what dogs do
This guy’s just getting into character. Somewhere, this scene makes Adam Morrison weep.
9 | I gotta piss like a race horse
Best part of this photo? That it looks like the dog is panting and eager to run over to the stream.
x | Oh that ain’t right
It’s bad that this photo features a guy seemingly going to town on a deer in the background. It’s worse that that made me wonder whether that guy gave the leftmost deer carcass in the foreground a glory hole.
11 | The chimp’s way too forward
I’m not sure if this is a sign of evolution or de-evolution.