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written by Sam Greenspan

These photos aren’t actually dirty, but you’ll see them that way.

So I’ve been saving this blog post for a while now, and after yesterday’s deep and serious 3,000-word post about Bill Maher’s Religulous, I felt like this was the time to bust it out and bring the levity back.

So here are 11 of the greatest photographic examples of not-actually-dirty dirtiness in the history of mankind. Enjoy.

1 | Cristie Kerr wins!

Professional golfer Cristie Kerr had just won her first professional tournament. They gave her the crystal trophy. She kissed it. A photo was taken. History was made.

2 | Little Mermaid

Disney has a long history of allegedly putting subliminal sexual messages in their films. Here’s the most blatant one… an under-the-sea palace with phallic architecture from The Little Mermaid.

3 | Kung Fu-llatio

I owned the old school Nintendo game Kung Fu. I do not remember it getting this smutty. Apparently, it did. We youth are so, so corruptible.

4 | Rain, and shaft, over Ohio

Sometimes storms cross the state of Ohio. Sometimes they also simultaneously swell up in western Kentucky. And sometimes a weatherman stands over Illinois to discuss those storms…

5 | The best billboard I’ve ever seen in person

This is one of the two things on this list I actually have seen in person, not just in photo form. This billboard was up in 2004, on Sunset Boulevard, just west of La Brea in Hollywood. (I lived a couple blocks from there at that point.)

Anyway, it was supposed to be an anti-smoking billboard. But the message says oh so much more.

6 | The house is OK, but the views are spectacular

This is an actual photo from a real estate ad. The living room looks nice. What’s happening outside looks VERY nice.

7 | Dora the Explorer

I would not want my kid playing with this toy.

8 | China’s Olympic stadium

The architect might as well have been Georgia O’Keefe. Yeah, that’s right. I make fine art references so I don’t have to type the word “vagina.”

9 | Yoshi takes Pikachu

I’m not sure what gender either of these video game characters is. But clearly Yoshi must be male for this position to work. Pikachu, unsure.

10 | The magazine stand

Sometimes, unnecessary or accidental censorship makes things funnier than actual nudity.

11 | The greatest garbage can ever

These photos are not from the Internet at large. They were taken by [my roommate] Paul in Dana Point, California.

They want to discourage people from being drunk and going in the water. Because what happens when you get drunk and go in the water? Do you drown? Risk crashing a boat? Ruin the beach for families and small children?
No. According to the fine people of Dana Point… you try to SEDUCE FISH. You’re welcome.

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