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written by Sam Greenspan

Photos snapped at just the right time that capture the sexy underbelly of baseball.

With baseball season winding down and the playoffs about to begin, I thought this was as good a time as any to pull out some of these accidentally dirty baseball photos I’d been hoarding. Some people hoard cats or old newspapers. I hoard faux-naughty screengrabs. Where’s MY A&E show?

1 | Bartolo Colon: The headline gift that keeps on giving

I picked this Colon pun out of at least five choices. Also, thanks to the Colon/colon play-on-words, I learned that when there are two words that are spelled the same but have different pronunciations and meanings, they’re part of a subset of homonyms called “heteronyms.” And speaking of the debate between homonyms and heteronyms…

2 | Maybe the tension between these two has been sexual tension all along

And maybe the debate over Jeter, A-Rod and “playing third base” was a double entendre the entire time.

3 | The famous Billy Ripken baseball card

Were it not for this baseball card, Billy Ripken (aka Cal Jr.’s brother) would’ve probably gone down in the Frank Stallone/Cooper Manning/Donnie Wahlberg annals. But someone wrote “Fuck Face” on his bat. And Fleer didn’t notice (or pretended not to notice for the same of publicity) when they printed his baseball card. This came just before the height of the baseball card era which made it, arguably, the most famous “error” card of all time. And kept everyone talking about Billy Ripken.

4 | And now, the photo that will turn you off of pole dancing for good

You know when you’re at a strip club and there’s always that one giantess of a stripper walking around, hustling really hard, and guys are scrambling to avoid being in her path of destruction? This photo is that situation amplified by 17 million.

5 | That’s one way to get the pitcher to stop shaking off your signs

Who says there’s never any hot action at Pittsburgh Pirates games?

6 | This is a photobomb… I think

If it’s not that guy’s arm in the background, then I’m proud to be on the front line of breaking down a tired, tired stereotype.

7 | “I’m a ass” makes the Yankee haters happy

Sure, “I’m a ass” is good… but I’m also suspicious of that “Yankees 8 bol” in the background too.

8 | That’s definitely an nontraditional way to get on base

BJ Upton needs to consult with Wayne Brady.

9 | I think I know what this cake decorator was daydreaming about

Eh, the Phillies aren’t really focused on batting anyway.

10 | If by “the pennant” you mean “internal hemorrhoids” then this is spot on

Marge: “You know, FOX turned into a hardcore sex channel so gradually, I didn’t even notice.”

11 | And one more from Alex Rodriguez for the road

If Bartolo Colon is the headline gift that keeps on giving, then Chien-Ming Wang is… certainly a fine gift too. Limp away, sir. Limp away.