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written by Sam Greenspan

The best business names always involve puns.

Today begins a two-day adventure through some of the best business names that anyone’s ever dared to use. I went on a worldwide (web) search for these business’s signs and dug up 11 great clean ones (which are on display) and 11 great dirty ones (tomorrow).

My only criteria: Nothing Photoshopped… a photo of a sign must be available… and I had to find the name funny-funny and not believe the business was trying too hard to be funny.

So, today, here is your list of the 11 most funny, stupid, ridiculous and/or hilarious business names.

1 | Amigone Funeral Home

Yes. Yes you are.

2 | Juan in a Million

If I live to be 300 years old I’ll never get sick of Juan/one puns.

3 | Stubbs Prosthetics and Orthotics

I really thought this was made up, but it exists, in Chattanooga, Tennessee.

4 | Curl Up and Dye

This might be a good time to mention that I LOVE puns.

5 | Unbaweaveble Hair and Nail Salon

I feel like they must’ve debated for weeks how to spell the name of their business. I personally would’ve gone with Unbe-weave-able. But what do I know? I’m no successful salon proprietor.

6 | Cane and Able

Such an incredible double-double entendre. Makes it completely worth naming your business after a totally depressing Biblical fratricide story.

7 | Holy House of Drugs

God is everywhere. Even in the drugs you smoke.

8 | A Salt and Battery

I love this because I know, deep down, that if given the opportunity, I would personally name a dried fruit business The Date Rapricot Emporium.

90S | William the Concreter

Great name. If I’m picking between two guys for my concrete needs, one is William the Concreter and the other is something like H. and P. Concrete and Asphalt, who am I hiring? (Answer: Whichever one the mafia tells me to.)

10 | Ash Wipe Chimney Sweeps

I thought “chimney sweep” was an antiquated profession, like milkman or VCR repairman or newspaper reporter. But apparently they still exist… not just in Cockney areas (this photo looks like Chicago to me)… AND they have faux-edgy business names.

11 | Sherrill’s Eat Here and Get Gas

Truth in advertising. Gotta respect that.

And remember, tomorrow… the dirty list!

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