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written by Sam Greenspan

Just because their priorities are wrong, at least they’ve got ’em.

I’m clearly terrible at prioritization because right now I’m working on this list at 2:45 A.M. instead of sleeping. So I’m going to make myself feel better by grasping the method I can currently think of: Judging others who are even worse at prioritization.

Here are 11 photos of people who clearly have their priorities straight (although their priorities are, shall we say, untraditional)…

1 | Priority: Kids, then ribs, then everything else

At least the list didn’t go ribs, kids, etc. Because those ribs actually do look delicious enough to be a treasured member of the family.

2 | Priority: Drinkin’

One bridesmaid isn’t going for the bouquet, just her drink. My favorite touch, though, is that she already has her sweater on. She’s probably doing the “drinking over bouquet catching” move for comedic effect, but the sweater is the genuine look into her subconscious that she’s over this whole wedding reception charade.

3 | Priority: Video games

This juxtaposition is basically the “printed sign with pull tabs” version of headline clickbait. It’s tearbait.

4 | Priority: Cool car

In this person’s defense, your cool car is seen by far more people on a daily basis than your house. So if you’re going to make an absurd monthly payment on one or the other, go for the car. Equity building is overrated anyway.

5 | Priority: Car wash

It’s hard to say why this Swedish firefighter is using his hose on the truck rather than the raging fire, but I’m sure he has his reasons. And based on what we all know about the Scandinavian countries, I’m sure it’s either connected to democratic socialism or meatballs.

6 | Priority: iPad 2

My wife just sold her iPad 2 for 40 bucks. This fella probably shoulda stuck with the kidney.

7 | Priority: Staying dry

Your $1,000+ laptop isn’t really supposed to be an umbrella, but I can sort of excuse the girl on the left — she’s putting her faith in the water resistance of that pink case. I can’t excuse the girl on the right, who’s doing it sans case.

8 | Priority: Burgers

I’m sure Vicky ran through lots of potential unfortunate scenarios when she married a man 53 years older, but “ditching her to live in his car for the sake of McDonald’s burgers” was almost certainly not on the list.

9 | Priority: Netflix

And this picture is at least four or five years old, which means this kid was prioritizing Netflix back before it had any original shows and was still focused on mailing out DVDs.

10 | Priority: No outside food

Rule number one: THERE ARE NO RULES! Rule number two: No outside food.

11 | Priority: Looking cool

So he wore his hat backwards to look cool, and wanted to keep it that way even when he needed it to block the sun, so he put a piece of cardboard over his head, which clearly negates any coolness derived from the backwards hat… I feel like the computer in WarGames overloading with the endless paradox being presented here.