An aggregate of reviews on the worst beers in America (and probably the world) — and my own opinions on the REAL answers.
American beer has a pretty bad reputation. Even though our country now has approximately one craft brewery for every 1.7 people, when people think American beer, they think of the piles of 30-packs at Rite Aid.
And you can’t really hold it against them — until like 2012, that pretty much WAS American beer. Buzzfeed wants to be known as a serious news organization but one of their top trafficked stories was “Pretend to Buy Some Expensive Shit and We’ll Guess Your Age.” Rebranding is glacial.
The slideshow-riffic website 24/7 Wall St. recently put together a list of the worst-tasting beers in America, according to thousands of reviews on Beer Advocate. Statistics don’t lie, except for all the lying they do, so I thought I’d make my own picks as well.
This post was originally published in 2017 and I can see that half of these beers remain on the worst 11 ranking even today! I think the brewers behind these “worst” beers must be incredibly proud of their consistency in producing subpar brews.
Today’s article follows the tradition of my posts on the 11 most boring things in life, where I’ll relay what the data said, then make my own picks. My picks, in that case, ranged from long Monopoly games to any Internet hiccup to 2 Broke Girls. I always end with 2 Broke Girls. What other choice do I have, right?
Worst beers in America according to statistics
I have to admit that the beers in this list may as very well be considered the worst beer in the world. Have we come to the point where we can confidently say that the U.S. has mastered the art of producing some of the most abysmal beers known to mankind?
Here are the 11 worst-tasting beers in America, according to a composite of reviews. From a high rating of 5, these lagers never made it past 2.
11 | Busch Ice
Watery, tasteless, and has a strange aftertaste that can only be described as “chemically.” It’s the kind of beer that you drink when you’re desperate and there’s nothing else available.
10. Bud Light
Their commercial with Spuds MacKenzie was a success. But this didn’t change the fact that it still tastes carbonated water that had a distant encounter with a grain of barley.
9. Milwaukee’s Best Light
The self proclaimed “best” in our list. They’re probably leveraging SEO searches like those best “blah blah companies” that starting popping up like mushrooms after a heavy rain.
Anyway, this beer is impressively cheap. It scores 1.83 in Beer Advocate (high score is 5).
8. Miller 64
Used to be on the 11th place when I first published this article. But now its doing better than Natural light.
7. Beer 30 Light
This one’s a new entree in our 11 worst beers in America. It is brewed by Melanie Brewing Company in Wisconsin.
As one review says, “Tasted of sour wine, body odor, and skunked beer.”
6. Natural Ice
Natural Ice is a natural in the worst beer category. It has been in the hands and stomach of many Americans even with bad rating. But if you’re concern about your diet, this beer makes the list in 11 Best Low Calorie Beers to Get You Drunk But Not Make You Fat.
5. Keystone Light
Good for Keystone Light playing in this sandbox with so many heavy hitters. I wonder if this falls under the “any publicity is good publicity” axiom.
4. Sharp’s
Sharp’s is a low alcohol beer (ABV 0.4%) from Miller Brewing Co. It’s like water with color.
A golden yellow beer, with a good amount of carbonation and a white head. Corn and bread aromas, sweet aftertaste. Watery mouthfeel, but enjoyable. A bit too watered down for me.
And what does the Beer Advocate says? A sharp rating of 1.7.
3. Natural Light
Thirteen years ago (yes its that long), I wrote, arguably, humanity’s only Natural Light magnum opus. Needless to say, I think its positioning as one of the worst beers in America is an unacceptable besmirching.
2. Budweiser Select 55
The 4th lowest-calorie beer on the list. I didn’t know they even sold this anymore; I thought people caught onto the “low-calorie beers are also lower in alcohol so you have to drink more of them and it all evens out” scam. It’s like the mid-2000s beer equivalent of the Snackwells cookie revelation of 1996.
1. Miller Genuine Draft 64
Oh my! Beer Advocate must have gotten this one very confused. MDG 64 was rebranded to Miller 64 and the only MGD Moors Colson has is the one and only Miller Genuine Draft.
Could the thousands of beer reviewers got this one wrong? Is this one ploy of Coors Molson to escape the worst beers list? Oh well, it’s time for me to create my own list.
Worst beers in America according to me
And now, my picks for the REAL 11 worst-tasting beers in America…
11 | Milwaukee’s Best Ice
None of those words makes sense in a sentence with any of the other words.
10 | Rolling Rock
I once dug into the mystery of “What does the 33 mean on Rolling Rock bottles?” but I still haven’t tackled the mystery of “Why would people drink this?”
9 | Dos Equis
One of the greatest examples of all time about how top-shelf marketing can sell a bottom-shelf product. The amber is alright though.
8 | The stuff that one friend of yours home brewed
I will only drink homemade beer out of a bowling ball.
7 | Tecate
Back in my roaring 20s, I spent four years living in a house with three of my friends where we threw lots of parties. I think about eight cans of Tecate heavy sat in our fridge for the entire duration.
6 | Any craft beer that incorporates coffee
Just like the discontinued Coffee Jell-O flavor, the coffee/beer combo just doesn’t work, no matter how much they keep trying to make it happen.
5 | Old Style
Once upon a time, I liked Old Style because of its nostalgic connection to going to Wrigley games during college. Now the Cubs and their gross beer can all go straight to hell as far as I’m concerned.
4 | St. Pauli Girl
Recency bias: Took a sip of a St. Pauli Girl this weekend, immediately regretted it.
3 | Mickey’s
Not just the worst tasting of the 40s, but one of the worst tasting substances ever produced.
2 | Miller High Life Light
The Stone Brewing Co. in San Diego just created a beer using treated sewage water. I’m pretty sure Miller High Life Light should sue them for copyright infringement.
1 | Bell’s Two Broke Girls Hearted Ale
Told you I always end with 2 Broke Girls even for the worst beers in America that I ever tasted. What other choice do I have, right?